'My dream job landed me in jail'

Sunburn and insect bites aren’t the only things to worry about on holiday. British women are being increasingly targeted by traffickers who plant drugs in their luggage or in gifts. You didn’t know, so you won’t be in trouble, right? Wrong, as Terry Daniels, 36, discovered...

By Laura Millar, 18/07/2010

The day my little sister got married was one we'd planned out years before. She wore a gorgeous long, white, fitted gown and carried a stunning lily bouquet. She said her vows in front of her nearest and dearest at the tiny church in the village of Wingave, Bucks, where we'd grown up. There was just one person missing from Kelly's special day me.

Instead of being there, I was holed up in a filthy Spanish jail, serving a 10-year sentence for drug smuggling; ending my dream of living and working in Tenerife.

It sounds incredible, but the Spanish authorities convicted me on the basis of an innocent diary entry referring to an insurance claim I was expecting to receive. They thought it was money I was going to get from drug trafficking.

I spent the next 12 years fighting to clear my name. Even now, I feel appalled at my naivety.

Terry (left) missed her sister Kelly's wedding

I was sentenced along with nightclub owner, Antonio Benavides, then 42. He was a well-known businessman and had poached me from my old job doing PR for a nightclub in Tenerife after offering me better wages. Then he suggested I accompany him on a business trip to Brazil. He told me he'd bought two tickets, and at the last minute his wife had unexpected work commitments and couldn't go. We'd have separate rooms and he insisted it was above board. Not wanting to turn down a free holiday, I agreed. It was the worst decision I've ever made.

A week later, in June 1997, we jetted off. There wasn't much to do so I sunbathed by the pool every day while he went off for his 'business meetings'. I didn't suspect anything shady - I was just enjoying my break. A few days into our trip, Antonio showed up carrying two flashy new suitcases. Unknown to me, they were fitted with false bottoms and were filled with nearly 4kg of cocaine, then worth over £1million.

We flew back to Tenerife, changing flights at Gran Canaria. We were stopped at the airport and searched as part of routine checks. My case was clear, so I wasn't worried, but a few minutes later, two officers marched me into an airless interview room. On the table was Antonio's luggage. The base of one of the cases had been broken into and white powder was scattered all over the table. I froze. Drugs. Antonio kept telling them it was nothing to do with me. I was dragged off to another room. I'd never been in trouble before, so I didn't think to ask for a lawyer.

Terry's mum, Pat, has been a rock to her

I spent the night in the small, dingy room. The next morning; the guards hammered on the door and I was taken for questioning. With the help of a translator, I explained which suitcase was mine, why I was on holiday with Antonio and how I knew him. I kept repeating the drugs were nothing to do with me. Then I was told that we were being taken to court the next day. As they locked me in a cell in the local police station, I couldn't stop crying. I knew I was innocent but I was being treated like a criminal and I was scared.

I was charged with importation and possession with intent to supply, and my bail was posted at £3,000. In Spain, you have to pay it or stay in jail. There was only one person I knew would help me: Mum. I'd borrowed someone's phone card so I only had enough time to blurt: 'Mum, I'm in prison in Spain - I need money for bail,' between my sobs. She was shell-shocked, but said she'd sort it and fly out as soon as she could. Then I was cut off.

Five days later, my bail was paid and I was released, but ordered to stay in Spain. I went back to my apartment in Tenerife and my mum, Pat, flew out to be with me. In tears, I explained what had happened. Like me, Mum was convinced it was one big mistake on the part of the authorities.

Mum helped me hire a lawyer and he thought my case was clear cut. There was no evidence against me, so it was unlikely I'd go to prison. I'd simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It took 10 months for the case to be heard at court. Luckily, during that time I was able to waitress at a friend's restaurant. In court I was asked the same questions as when I'd first been arrested and didn't get to hear the evidence against me. It was tough keeping track of the proceedings.

Terry in Tenerife before her arrest

My Spanish was sketchy and I had no translator. My lawyer didn't even speak, and told me it was because they hadn't put up a case against me - I figured that was a good thing. Back at my apartment as I was preparing to go home, my lawyer called. The verdict was in. I'd been found guilty and sentenced to 10 years. Antonio pleaded guilty and received the same sentence. I couldn't believe it. I'd done nothing wrong - Antonio had told the judges that - yet I was looking at spending a decade of my life in a foreign jail.

It turned out that my conviction had been based on my diary, which the police had confiscated. In it I'd written: 'What am I going to do with all the money?' I was owed £4,500 compensation for a car accident. The authorities had interpreted it as money I was to receive from drug trafficking. But I was never given the chance to explain.

The solicitor told me that he'd appealed the decision and I had 'conditional liberty', meaning that I didn't have to stay in jail. The Spanish authorities held my passport, so I couldn't leave the country, but with a criminal record it wasn't easy to find work.

The Spanish prison

Back home, Mum contacted our local MP in the UK, John Bercow. He asked for the Government's support in getting me a pardon. In 2000, he got a response from the Spanish ambassador to say I'd been released 'without readmission', which everyone took to mean I could return to the UK. I managed to get a new passport, and booked a flight home.

Back home with Mum and Dad, the sense of relief was incredible. After three years of stress, I'd lost my confidence and didn't want to go out much. Then my dad was diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus, and died in June 2001. It was an incredibly unhappy and difficult time. Determined to move forward, I found a flat and applied for a job as a carer. But to my shock, I was told that a background check found my conviction was 'outstanding'. I couldn't believe it, and got in touch with Fair Trials Abroad, who said they'd investigate. I was relieved and thought they'd sort out the mistake.

But two weeks later, three police officers from Scotland Yard arrived with an arrest warrant from Interpol, triggered by the background check. They explained that I was to be extradited to Spain to begin my sentence - I'd thought it was all over.

In prison June 2006

I was devastated. I had just two days to prepare. It was heartbreaking. Saying goodbye to Mum and my sister Kelly, and leaving my life and freedom for something I hadn't done, crushed me. On the flight to Spain, I was accompanied by six Interpol officers. I'm still not sure why they sent so many - it felt a bit like overkill. I was too stunned to even cry as they took me to a holding prison in Madrid, then transferred me to Topas prison in Salamanca, western Spain.

Within a week, I'd gone from living in my own flat to sharing a prison cell with a Dutch woman who'd also been jailed for importing drugs. I felt like I was stuck in a bad movie. My days dragged. I'd get up, eat a bread roll, then walk around the yard, have lunch, then write letters home. I mixed with the other prisoners when I had to, but tried to keep to myself.

Life in prison was volatile. It was a mixed jail, with men locked up for rape and women for prostitution and fraud. Fights were commonplace. I just tried to keep my head down. The days went by slowly; I'd read books and watch TV. My mum visited regularly but we could only speak through a telephone system with a pane of glass separating us. Friends and family sent regular letters, which helped. As the days turned to weeks and my sentence stretched out in front of me, despair took over. During my darkest hours I felt I'd rather not be alive than have to suffer this. Thoughts of my Mum and my family kept a flicker of fight alive inside me. I lived for the visits, letters and phone calls.

When I was forced to go back to Spain, I'd applied to serve my sentence in the UK. After 14 months, permission was finally granted. I was flown back to the UK, first to Holloway prison in north London, then to Cookham Wood in Kent and finally to an open prison, East Sutton Park. Conditions were better, my family could visit easily and at least everyone spoke English. I did some educational courses and hoped that one day I'd be free.

After 12 years of support from lawyers, MPs, the media and organisations like Prisoners Abroad and Fair Trials Abroad, I secured a partial pardon in December 2008, reducing my sentence to six years. On January 29, 2009, after serving three years and three months, I was allowed home. I ran to the phone and asked my mum to pick me up. She got there at 7pm and gave me a hug. We were both in tears - but so happy that I was free.

Terry is still fighting to clear her name

Adjusting to life on the outside has been tough. For the first few months, I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't leave my mum's side, and felt overwhelmed by the simplest things, like doing the grocery shopping. Friends were brilliant, spending time with me and being supportive. I've had counselling too. I'm not bitter, because I think that's a waste of time but sometimes I get upset about the life I've lost.

I'm single now, but would love a relationship one day. I'm not ready yet. I'm still fighting to clear my name and will be able to apply through the Spanish courts, 10 years after my release, in 2019. Until then I'm training to be a counsellor, so I can help others. I made one stupid decision that wrecked my life. If talking about my experience helps one person avoid going through what my family went through, I'll be happy.

Innocents abroad?

• Last year, Prisoners Abroad supported 146 women held on drugs charges outside the UK, 51 per cent in South America and the Caribbean and 19 per cent in EU countries.

• In July 2007, two 16-year-old schoolgirls from north London were found guilty of trying to smuggle cocaine from Ghana to the UK. Yasemin Vatansever and Yatunde Diya were arrested after they were found with laptop bags containing 6kg of cocaine. They claimed they didn't know about the drugs, but had been asked by two men to collect the bags for £3,000. They served one year in a correctional facility in Ghana and came back to the UK in July 2008.

• Mum of four Laura Makin, 32, from Liverpool, went on holiday to Venezuela in March 2009 with her estranged husband, Paul. Unknown to her, he'd done a deal to smuggle drugs. At the airport, 24kg of cocaine, worth £1.2million, was discovered in his bag. Laura could face 10 years in jail, while Paul pleaded guilty and is serving eight years.

What happened when we gave five women an ultimate makeover...

When Ultimo lingerie founder Michelle Mone launched a new range of couture frocks, she wanted 14 ‘real’ women to advertise them. We treated a select few of them to an A-list transformation...

By Laura Millar, 11/07/2010

Taking over the first floor of a central London townhouse, a team of make-up artists, hairdressers and stylists is in full swing, getting the models camera-ready. This is a fashion shoot with a difference: today's models are real women, with real bodies. Aged 20-53, they range from size 8-16 and they all celebrate their shape. The idea is down to Michelle Mone, 38, mum and self-made millionaire, thanks to her successful Ultimo lingerie range.

"We've always used celebrities in our campaigns," she says. "But I get thousands of letters from ladies asking why we don't use them. And I'm a size 12, with hips, boobs and a bum. I thought: 'Why not?'"

When Michelle announced this on Facebook in May, she was inundated with applications. She says: "It was hard to select 14 women, but they represent what it is to be 'real'. They prove you don't have to be 18 and a size 6 to look glam." Meet five of the women reshaping our views on body image.

Michelle (centre) with her 14 body heroes

'You don't have to be a size zero to look good'

Claire Hill, 25, is an HR officer. She lives in Doncaster with her boyfriend Gavin, 27, and is a size 10. She says:

"Even though I'm a regular size 10, when I found out that I would be wearing a bodycon dress for today's shoot, I have to admit I was pretty worried.

My first thought was that my hips were going to look huge in something so tight! I hate my hips and have many of the same body hang-ups as any other woman. Thankfully, I love the dress and how I look in it. It just proves that you shouldn't be ashamed of your curves. And you don't have to be a size zero to look good.

I would say that I'm representative of all the real women out there. I hold down a full-time job, I come home after work most nights feeling quite tired, and I think it's important to try to make time for myself, for my boyfriend and for our friends and family. After all, that's the most important thing in life."

'I've got wobbly bits - who hasn't'

Margaret Dunsmuir, 45, is an office administrator from Rutherglen in Lanarkshire. She is divorced, has three sons aged 25, 23, and 18, and is a size 14. She says:

"I've been through my fair share of stress over the years. With one son in the Army and another in the Navy, as a mother you constantly worry. That's why I don't obsess too much about my body - I've got a few wobbly bits, but who hasn't?

I was 2st heavier last year, I've lost it gradually by going for lots of long walks - I walk for at least an hour, two or three times a week.

People think that once you get to 40, you're past it, but I think you can look good, regardless of your age. It's how you feel about yourself that matters. Whenever I see an item of clothing on a model, I tend to think: 'Well, of course it looks good on her - she doesn't have a real body!' But I do think women look better with a fuller figure. Everyone should celebrate the shape they are, as long as they're healthy."

'I'm realistic about my body and the way I look'

Emma Broadbent, 32, is a marketing manager. She lives with her fiancé in Leeds and is a size 10. She says:

"When I was younger, I was more susceptible to images of women's bodies in adverts and on TV. If I tried on a dress, I'd look in the mirror and hear a little voice in my head saying: 'I wish I had longer legs' or 'I wish my boobs were bigger.' But you get more self-confidence as you get older. I stay healthy by doing yoga, running and dancing. Now, I'm more realistic. I know everyone's different and that's just the way it is."

'Beauty comes from making yourself feel good'

Hayley Matthews, 29, is a radio presenter from Edinburgh, and is a size 16. She says:

"I'm not a conventional model. I'm 5ft 5in and a size 16, but real women don't have perfect figures - we're all completely different shapes and sizes. I believe that beauty comes from making yourself feel good and doing the best with what you have. I think women should support each other, which is what I always try to do on my radio show. I give advice and share my embarrassing stories.

For example, I wouldn't normally wear a figure-hugging dress like this because I once got stuck in a tight dress when I was trying it on in a shop - and I especially wouldn't usually wear a satin one! But it's actually really comfortable. I feel like Nigella Lawson on today's shoot, which is great as she's one of my role models! I've always tried to embrace my curves, and if no one else likes my big bum, it's tough, because I do."

'Seeing women who are just like me is a real boost'

Annemarie Knox, 48, is a school administrator from Clydebank in Dunbartonshire. She is separated, has two daughters aged 24 and 18, and is a size 12. She says:

"When I found out that I'd been chosen for the campaign, I was nervous. I've never done anything like this before.

I'm just a normal mum who's had problems in my life, like when I needed an emergency hysterectomy in 2002 after an operation to remove a cyst on my ovary, as well as the breakdown of my marriage in 2007. I lost a lot of self-esteem as a result, but with the support of family and friends, I got through it. I think the fanciest frock I've ever worn before today was my wedding dress! Women should have positive role models and not just be judged on their dress size."

• Ultimo Couture is available exclusively from Debenhams and Debenhams.com, priced £100-£300, in sizes 8-18.
  

Looking good! Michelle (centre) and the girls after their ultimate makeovers

Want to be Bella Swan? Fangs, but no fangs

She falls for a hunky vampire, then ditches her mates and self-respect. Far from a modern-day heroine, the Twilight Saga’s leading lady sucks. Big time!

Jacob, no! She's not worth it

Just get a room, already

She's a daddy's girl

By Claire Coleman, 04/07/2010

Unless you've been living in a coffin for the past year, you'll have heard of the Twilight Saga - the über-successful book and film franchise based on the forbidden-love story of mortal Bella Swan and the deadly-yet-gorgeous bloodsucker Edward Cullen. No doubt you'll be familiar with Bella's battles with both the undead and the usual teen dilemmas (just how does a gal keep the peace between her vampire boyfriend and werewolf best mate?).

But, Twi-hard fans look away now, because as the third instalment is about to be released, we've come to the conclusion that Bella's become a complete pain in the neck. With her puppy-dog adoration of Edward and her squirm-inducing need to be rescued by a man, it seems feminism has completely passed Bella by. And sadly, as the Twilight story has evolved, we can't say the same of her backbone.

Wimpy Bella, played by doe-eyed Kristen Stewart, 20, could do with a few lessons in kick-ass from that other vamp-lover Sookie Stackhouse - the southern belle in TV's True Blood. She has attitude and then some, which leaves pale-faced Ms Swan in the shade. Unlike boring Bella, Sookie (played by Anna Paquin) is capable of looking after herself and saving her vampire lover, Bill (gorge Stephen Moyer). More to the point, their relationship is one of equals, not whatever the fangster says goes.

We'd go so far as to say that Bella's behaviour is in danger of spawning a generation of wishy-washy women, all needing a man to define them. So is she one of the worst heroines in all of contemporary literature? Here are five reasons why we think Bella sucks...

She's a damsel in distress

Bella is so clumsy and accident-prone, it's a miracle she can get to high-school on her own without incident. Oh, scrap that, she can't. If she's not being scooped out of the way of a speeding car or saved from marauding thugs by Edward, she's in the woods, falling over then lying around waiting to be rescued. Or she's flinging herself off cliff tops, only to be - you guessed it - rescued by a guy.

And it's not as if any of the other women in Twilight are shining examples of strong female role models, either; they're all two-dimensional stereotypes. Even Alice Cullen, Edward's adoptive sister who has at least a smattering of sass, is confined to being interested only in designer clothes and organising events. Bella's high-school buddy, Angela (she wears glasses because, yep, she's the clever one) barely gets a look in.

It's just me, me, me!

We were teenagers, too. We know what it's like to think you're ugly and that nobody's ever going to love you. We can see why girls identify with Bella, but let's cut the cr*p. There's nothing wrong with being different. Pale skin, dark hair and a penchant for jeans and Converse hardly makes you an outsider. But there is something wrong if you believe your looks define you. Bella's intelligent, but she's so in awe of the Cullens' beauty, grace and brilliance, she can't appreciate her own qualities. "It never made sense for you to love me," she tells Edward. Girl...get a grip!

She's got no identity

If one of your friends decided they were into football and thrash metal just because their new boyfriend was, you'd think they were crazy. Similarly, if they ditched their plans to go to university for him, you'd be staging an intervention. But that's what Bella does. She's prepared to sacrifice her entire existence for the sake of a man. And, when he leaves her, she descends into a depression and makes it her life's work to endanger herself so he can rescue her. Call this the mark of an epic love story if you will; we call it mental.

It's all a bit too intense!

A relationship takes time to evolve, right? You talk, get to know each other, discover things in common. What you don't do is go from spotting each other across a crowded classroom to deciding to ditch the life you know for a man. Haven't we moved on from fairy tales?

As for Prince Charming, in what twisted world is it seen as romantic for a man to creep through your window to watch you sleep? Or take parts out of your car to stop you seeing your friends? To us, that's the equivalent of a controlling loon.

She treats her friends like total suckers

Not only does Bella ditch her friends to spend time with Edward (mates before men anyone?), but her behaviour towards Jacob Black, the new werewolf on the block, isn't exactly exemplary. She knows he wants to be more than just friends, and that it's torture for him to keep seeing her. Yet selfishly, she continues spending time with him because, in New Moon, it's a distraction from her longing for Edward (who's disappeared in the hope that she'll forget him). She can't, but she decides to make Jacob a friend-with-benefits anyway - with no thought for his feelings. Not exactly the behaviour of a good mate. In fact, where we come from, we've got a name for girls like that...

This article has 10 comments

i do agree with what this artical says but i must state that if you read the book (which i had to do for a conparison project at collage) you will notic that even thow there are many falts in the bella caracter there are parts where she does try and redem her self even thow they dont work to well.

By mich.. Posted July 22 2010 at 12:18 PM.

for god sake it's just a story..not real life,if it was then moan but it's not..bloody hell

By kayleigh.. Posted July 18 2010 at 1:06 AM.

I couldn't agree more with Claire Coleman. Bella Swan is not a strong character for young girls to look up to. Her character is not just too dependent on others but also suffers from inferiority complex. Big time!

By MatrixI.. Posted July 10 2010 at 10:40 AM.

It's wasn't me that mentioned the shakeseare thing...I believe that was fiona

By Hannah.. Posted July 9 2010 at 7:53 PM.

@Hannah: First off, Twilight is in no way a "forbidden" love story. Nobody initially objects to Bella's relationship with Edward, except for a couple high school girls and Jacob (both which object out of sheer jealously). It is NOTHING like Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet... Neither of their FAMILIES object to it: the Cullens in fact adore Bella (even Jasper, who wants to eat her, likes her and wants her to become one of them) and Charlie is accepts it (save for calling Edward out on being a douchebag and wanting his daughter to get out of unhealthy depression). None of their FRIENDS object to it. Half the school seems giddy over the hot gossip, actually. And Jacob doesn't count--EVERY girl on earth who falls in love with a guy will inevitably have some other guy who liked her and is bitter towards her S.O. because he's kicking himself for not acting first.

Also, this is fiction. Being somebody who reads Twilight, you might not understand the concept of literary devices, but generally speaking, "vampires" and "werewolves" in fiction don't literally represent vamps and werewolves. Bella is, for all intents and purposes, a spineless mopey doormat. Bella not once stands up for her rights or her own well-being. Sure, she tells Edward/Jacob what she wants and whines about things not going her way, but never does she threaten to walk away if they can't fulfill her needs or treat her like an equal. Soft-spokenly whining about wanting equality is not the same as grabbing it.

By Ashe.. Posted July 5 2010 at 11:33 PM.

I think this article was brilliant. I thought I was the only person who wasn't taken over by this 'twilightmania' that seems to of swept the nation. I find the story lines tedious and the main characters love story even more so. Trust me I love a good bit of romance in a film, but in Twilight, its all abit.....strange. I mean who would find someone climbing through your window, to watch you sleep romantic. The plot in Twilight is boring and Bella, and Edward's relationship is even more so. They are constantly depressed, and she could easily fit it, and make some friends. But no, she has to be awkward and fancy the vampire - when there is a prefectly suitable boyfriend material right in front of her, in the form of Jacob. What is the world coming to when this is called entertainment. Thank you Claire Coleman, for exposng Twilight for what it really is, a depressing, unispiring, unromantic story.

By Ellie.. Posted July 5 2010 at 6:43 PM.

Brilliant and all true, too. It saddens me that in the year 2010 there are characters not only this poorly written but just this weak.

Thank GOD there are plenty of ladies out there who realize that Bella is a terrible character and NOT to be looked up to and also that Edward is a stalking creep.

By Jon David.. Posted July 5 2010 at 3:38 AM.

The reality is, this is an adaptation of a book so the on-screen characters can only portray aspects that we see and hear. In the book the description is so intense that we are able to see, hear and even taste and smell the struggles Bella goes through being in love with Edward and needing Jacob as a friend, not because she lacks feminism.
I recommend reading the books and not follow a Hollywood interpretation. Its true the films lack substance, mainly contains some major eye candy, but the true characters remain in the original text.

By Hannah.. Posted July 5 2010 at 1:32 AM.

It's a story. Get over it. You have based a complete article defining a character's fault. The writer wrote the character obvioulsy with the intension to keep her audience interested. Nothing sells better than the forbidden love story. Just look at Shakespheres very own Juliet who had the same intensity for her love to Romeo but do we question that characters actions of not being a feminist? No. Plus.... She is surrounded by a bunch of vampires and werewolves man would you not be vulnerable? Think about it.

By Fiona.. Posted July 4 2010 at 9:28 PM.

I couldn't agree with you more. I don't know why a character that doesn't have the balls to be independant is so treasured.

By Amber.. Posted July 4 2010 at 1:33 PM.

Ticking biological clocks and IVF worries are women's issues, right?

Ticking biological clocks and IVF worries are women's issues, right? Not any more...

Ready for babies vs Ready for work

The names have been picked, so has the buggy and the cute cot - even the colour of the nursery walls. All Neil Kirwan needs now is a baby.

The trouble is, his wife Fiona is nowhere near ready to have one.

PR manager Neil, 28, is one of a growing number of young men desperate to become a father but having to wait because their partners are stalling.

Being a daddy is cool these days. Gone are the times when fatherhood meant pipe and slippers time. Über-dads such as David Beckham, Brad Pitt and Guy Ritchie have made 'family man' a tag to be proud of again.

Fiona and Neil married six months ago

And with deputy prime minister Nick Clegg proposing to extend paternity leave from the "measly" two weeks currently on offer, fatherhood's a hot political topic, too.

'Brokes' - broody blokes desperate to become dads - aren't ashamed to admit fatherhood is their main ambition.

But these days it's tricky, women are busy climbing the career ladder, travelling and enjoying the independence of being child-free.

Self-confessed 'broke' Neil, from Manchester, admits his desire for a child has caused friction in his marriage.

"Whenever I walk past our spare room I see it as the perfect nursery, decked out with a cot and dancing animals painted across the walls," he sighs. "I've decided on names - I like Lola for a girl, Bruce for a boy."

However, his wife Fiona, 32, isn't planning on motherhood anytime soon. "We're in an ideal position to have kids," Neil says. "Financially secure - we've even got a four-wheel drive family car."

But while her husband can't wait to welcome the patter of tiny feet, Fiona's not ready to swap spreadsheets for changing mats.

"A year ago, I was made a partner in a PR company," she explains. "I've worked hard to get where I am now. I don't want to sacrifice all that yet.

"I know Neil's desperate to start a family and that I'm lucky to have a husband who really wants kids, but I think he has unrealistic expectations of the impact having a baby will have on our lives. And on my life, and my career specifically.

"I want to be sure I'm going to make a good mum before I embark on such a life-changing decision," she says. "I certainly don't want to be pushed into it by anyone."

But it seems women are increasingly at risk of being baby-bullied. A recent survey by Virgin Money showed 93 per cent of men believe being a dad is the most significant role in a man's life.

And relationship expert Susan Quilliam explains: "Feeling broody allows a man not only to assert his masculinity biologically wanting to continue the species, but the feeling also enforces his validity."

"These days, women have greater independence, both financially and socially," she says. "This means there is a tendency for men to feel almost redundant, surplus to requirements even. Having children gives them that sense of purpose back.

"As society encourages men to take a bigger role in raising children, they feel more able to express their desire to have babies than ever before."

And with one of America's largest surrogacy agencies, Growing Generations, reporting that the number of single male members has doubled in the past five years, it seems broody singletons don't want to be left out.

Susan believes that the number of men opting to be lone parents will continue to increase in the future.

"Considering around 50 per cent of relationships fail, men don't want to be waiting around for Ms Right only to run the risk of it not working out anyway," she says. "Adopting a child or finding a surrogate is a better option."

Meanwhile, Neil's continuing to hope that Fiona will change her mind.

"I'm putting pressure on her to stop taking the Pill and to leave the situation to fate," he admits. "I know it's a decision we've got to make together, but I don't want to be an old dad. A baby would make my world complete."

THE ADOPTER

'I'VE SPENT £10,000 ON TRYING TO HAVE A BABY'

Peter Dominik, 32, a decorator from West London has spent two years trying to adopt a child. He says:

"Just because I'm a single man doesn't mean I can't be broody. I was an only child and have always wanted lots of kids. I hoped I'd meet someone, settle down and have kids, but that hasn't happened.

My last three serious relationships have broken up over the issue of children. I wanted them, my girlfriends didn't.

Just over two years ago, I began to think about adopting. It seemed the only way. Soon after I started looking into the adoption process, I began a new relationship. But we split up after six months because she was adamant her career came before kids. She was 30 and didn't want to become a mother until she was at least 38. I didn't want to wait.

Now, nothing will deter me from adopting. My parents have both passed away, but I've spoken to my closest friends and they're really supportive.

I've signed up to adoption agencies both in the UK and abroad. I'm now registered with 10 adoption agencies in the UK, Europe, China, Africa and India. I've had police checks done, my finances analysed, and a full medical history taken. It's intensive, but it ensures the child's safety.

I've spent £10,000 on travelling to orphanages around the world to meet adoption officials and children, and getting legal advice.

Peter with a child who's waiting to be adopted

Soon I'm going to a week-long camp with kids who need to be adopted and other potential adopters. It helps the agencies assess you 24 hours a day.

I've been asked by agencies if I know anyone involved in paedophilia. I understand they have to ask, but it does make me angry to be thought of like that.

There have been a couple of children I'd love to have adopted, but they were placed with couples - they tend to be given precedence. It's frustrating, as I know I could have given the children just as loving a home.

I'm also looking into other ways of becoming a dad. One of which is an embryo adoption programme in Spain.

Couples who have had IVF offer their unused embryos for adoption, to be implanted into a surrogate mother.

My friend Sophia*, who I've known for 15 years, has agreed to be a surrogate for me. She already has kids and knows how desperate I am to be a father. This option is a long way off though. I'd much rather give a child from an orphanage a home.

I'm currently being considered as an adoptive parent to four children, ranging from an eight-month-old baby boy to a five-year-old boy with learning difficulties.

It's down to the authorities what happens next, but I'm hopeful that I'll be matched with a child at some point in the next eight months. I'm doing everything I can to prepare for that day.

I can't wait to be called Dad - I'm ready to be a father. Why should I have to wait for a woman to make that dream a reality?"

THE SINGLE MAN

'WHEN I MEET WOMEN, THE FIRST THING I THINK ABOUT IS KIDS'

Mark Jones, 36, from Liverpool is a business manager. He says:

"Whenever I meet a new woman, I'm sizing her up as a mother, imaging what she'd be like with a child in her arms.

Last year, I ended a relationship after four weeks because she said she didn't want kids. That's a deal breaker for me. While I wouldn't want to rush a romance, I don't want to waste time either. I'm not getting any younger.

Lately, I've started to worry that I'll never be a father. It makes me feel terribly sad that I may not get my dream.

I was with my ex Jenny* for almost eight years, but a year before we were due to be married, I broke it off. We'd been arguing constantly, we weren't right for each other.

That was nearly two years ago and even though she's with someone else now, I still regret it. I worry that may have been my only chance to have kids with someone I love.

Most of my friends have babies and I get a pang when I see them together - I wish it was me pushing a pram.

I've thought about adoption and surrogacy, but they're not really options for me. I want my own kids. I want to be able to look on with pride as my wife brushes my daughter's hair or cheer together when our son scores a goal. I just hope I haven't left it too late."

THE DIVORCED COUPLE

'HIS DESPERATION TO BE A DAD DROVE ME TO DIVORCE'

Kate*, 34, from Sheffield is an air hostess. She was married to Martin*, 39, for 18 months. She says:

"Martin and I met when I was 30. We'd been dating for a year when he proposed and six months after that we married.

We'd never discussed having kids, but as soon as I became his wife, he told me he wanted to try for a baby. I never even saw him as a baby person - he seemed so into his lifestyle, drinking and partying. I wanted to be married for a few years to enjoy each other before we started a family, but Martin was insistent. Reluctantly, I agreed.

Martin seemed to think I'd get pregnant immediately, but as each month rolled by and I still wasn't expecting, he became moody and criticised my diet and drinking habits.

After about four months of trying, Martin came home with an ovulating kit - a packet of sticks that looked like pregnancy tests, that he'd bought from the chemist.

If a line appeared to say I was ovulating, he'd want to have sex immediately. It was so clinical. I wanted our baby to be conceived with love this felt so wrong.

The constant pestering ruined our sex life. After six months our relationship was so damaged, I told him the time wasn't right for us to have a baby. Martin reacted furiously, saying I'd let him down, but I'd already gone back on the Pill. Life became so miserable, I told Martin I wanted a divorce.

Within three years of meeting, our marriage was over. That was just over a year ago. I'm now 34 and I've decided having children isn't for me. I don't have any regrets. It would have been more selfish to have a child I didn't really want."

'I'D NEVER HAVE MARRIED HER IF I'D KNOWN SHE DIDN'T WANT KIDS'

Martin, a finance manager from Leeds, says:

Martin and Kate before they divorced

"I've been emotionally destroyed by Kate's choice to give up on having kids. I'd have been an amazing and supportive dad.

I'm now single and dating several women, but I'm thinking about adopting if I don't meet the right person soon.

Kate acted selfishly. Perhaps I was a bit over the top, but I was just trying to show her how keen I was to be a dad, for us to be parents.

When we got married I assumed having kids would be the next step. I think she should have thought about whether she wanted to be a mum before we started trying for a baby.

If I'd have known Kate never wanted kids, I wouldn't have married her. I'd never met a woman who didn't want children, or if they said they didn't, I always assumed it was because they hadn't found the right man. I realise now this is naive. I just thought that maternal instinct was something all women have."

This article has 10 comments

Imagine this article the other way round. Imagine women going on about the 'selfishness' of men who simply weren't ready for children. Imagine the criticism of such 'deranged bunny-boilers' that would ensue.

I have sympathy for some of these men; the less coercive ones, to an extent. But for heaven's sake, welcome to the world of being a grown-up! Don't blame other people for not wanting what you want; look for someone who does. Otherwise you risk coming across like the kind of spoilt child who is nowhere near ready for parenthood.

Incidentally: the guy who was angry about being checked for paedophilia. They weren't 'thinking of you' like that. They were thinking of the vulnerable children in their care, as they absolutely should have done. All together now: IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.

By Finisterre.. Posted July 21 2010 at 1:39 PM.

Here's hoping Neil never, ever manages to impregnate anyone until he's massively improved himself as a human being. Anyone who thinks coercing their partner into having a child is a remotely acceptable, let alone good, idea couldn't be less fit to parent if they tried. For that matter, here's hoping Fiona leaves this guy if he doesn't cut the crap, and I mean now.

Someone should also explain to mark that women can tell when you think of them as a baby-machine instead of as a person, and they rarely find it attractive. It's also not a desirable trait in a parent. 

By Dan Holzman-Tweed.. Posted July 16 2010 at 6:06 PM.

Did these men forget to ask their wives if they wanted kids before they got married? Why would they assume their wives wanted kids? That makes little sense.

If having children is so important to you that you're obsessing over it, you'd think it would come up before you make a commitment. I'm not very sympathetic to these men.

By rosalind.. Posted July 15 2010 at 1:47 AM.

Having children requires sacrifice, and not one of these guys (maybe the would-be adopter, but barely) discusses the career, leisure, lifestyle sacrifices they are willing to make to have kids. Neil doesn't offer to be a stay at home dad, Martin doesn't leave behind his partying, and the subtext of Mark's commentary seems to be that he really just wants to be the head of a household where the mother is the primary caregiver.

By sJL.. Posted July 14 2010 at 7:38 PM.

WHy doesn't Neil be a stay at home dad? he's so keen to be a dad and his wife doesn't want her career wrecked, so stay at home Neil?

I mean, youre desire to have kids isn't all about putting all the work, responsibility, sacrifice and duty on your wife, now does it?'

And Kate - good on you for getting away from that sexist psycho!

By Question.. Posted July 14 2010 at 6:54 PM.

This is called reproductive coercion. It's a red flag of an abuser. He won't stop after this coercion - it will escalate. Women should remove themselves from situations where the whiny, privileged, entitled and cluelessly sexist man she's with deliberately and repeatedly attempts to sabotage, manipulate, coerce, guilt trip or intimidate her into having kids.

Kate dodged a real bullet. Here's hoping she finds a real man.

These guys are so moony-eyed about having kids because they know the lions share of the work will fall on the women. Grow up boys.

By gross.. Posted July 14 2010 at 6:48 PM.

It rubbed me the wrong way how that first guy said how they were at an ideal place for having kids, as if his wife actually wanting kids didn't play into whether or not they were ready. If there are multiple people involved in raising a child, then it seems like a given that everyone involved should actually want the kid. It's healthier for everyone involved.

Cat: that's a great idea! A dating site specifically for people who want children would not only get that question out of the way, but probably encourage discussion on exactly how much they wanted children. Then everyone would be clear on what their partner wanted in regards to kids, and there wouldn't be any anger or disappointment later on.

By Flutterby.. Posted July 14 2010 at 5:56 PM.

I dt understand why some women dt wants children now...Im 25 and wants kids bt the person whom im seein says hes nt ready...So any of this men who wants now,maybe we can gets to know each other,,cus time dt waits for no one.thanks

By naa.. Posted July 13 2010 at 1:55 PM.

i,m 28 and have never met a man who wanted children i wish there was a dating site for these men so us woman who do want children and a relationship could meet x

By cat .. Posted July 11 2010 at 1:31 PM.

Weird, I am 32 and the men that I date or been in long term relationships with never want children. Good on the guys for considering adoption. perhaps their should be a dating site for single people who want a relationship and kids.

By S.. Posted July 11 2010 at 11:08 AM.