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пятница, 11 мая 2018 г.

Oz and television show.: An Ode To Love


In November 2013, a few months into our friendship, I sent Mallory an email about a piece I hoped to write for her recently launched website, The News of the World Top.
I’m not ready yet to write it – I have to finish watching it first. but I want to write about the importance of the show and how it’s been overshadowed by subsequent shows, which is a shame, because I think it’s actually the only show I’ve seen that actually depicts men and men’s relationships honestly, in a way that is not “single male character where the world that revolves around him” or “male tyrant” or “idealized male desires.” it’s not tony soprano, walter white, don draper. it’s men dealing with friendship, love, sex, vulnerability. men not having control over their lives or their bodies – something women can relate to. those who accept their guilt and responsibility fare better in some ways than those who don’t. the show takes violence and sexual assault very seriously, both for men and women. it has some terrible subplots but some incredible character arcs that are astonishing.
The ways in which the characters sometimes change and become men to the best of their abilities within a very constrained, confined context because that’s all they can do. nothing is actually transformative in a huge way, but sometimes some things are transformative in small, daily struggle ways that are realistic, heartbreaking, real. these are men who are not allowed to be “men” as we see them in society but some of them struggle and grow much more than the men we see depicted elsewhere.
ALSO ALSO ALSO
how intense Said gets in season 5, like he consumes Adebisi and transforms into him, his rage and guilt
“YEP,” she replied, in what I would come to know was classic Ortbergian fashion.
I never wrote that piece.

When Oz first aired in July of 1997, I was 22 years old. A year out of college, I didn’t even own a TV. My roommate had a small one, but I hadn’t been able to watch much TV since the last time 90210 and Melrose Place aired back-to-back on the same night. I kept reading about this wild, boundary-pushing new TV show HBO was showing. When I got a new job in 1998, I befriended an intensely smart and acerbic guy who watched every episode. He would tell me how graphic it was: full-frontal nudity and violence and sex. It seemed at times too much even for him. It was too new, too different, a TV show that was doing what TV shows had never done before. More than merely depicting the existence of violence and rape, more even than showing deeply human characters in a maximum security prison, Oz was showing what it was like for men to survive in a place where the boundaries of their own bodies were constantly subjected to the rules, laws, whims, and desires of others.
The thing you should absolutely know about Oz before you watch it is that it is at times ridiculously over-the-top. Occasionally it’s just plain ridiculous. It is not artfully subtle by any means. There are some abysmal subplots. At least one character’s fate betrays the the beauty of his many seasons-long story, as well as the investment you’ll make in his growth, and this will make you mad for a very long time.
You should also know that the show is very graphic. There are scenes depicting assault where the camera does not cut away. There are violent scenes between characters of all types, between men and women, and between men of all kinds.
There are also many transcendent moments. Beauty, pain, friendship, love, loss, affection, growth. There’s betrayal of others and betrayal of the self. There’s hope and its immediate erasure. (Speaking of transcendent, there are some incredible butts and at least one kiss that will make you stand up and cheer.)
There are characters who are so vile you wish for their destruction. When they turn around and reveal how they too are flawed and human, you think about the part of you that wanted them to suffer—what does that mean? How are they different from the other flawed, broken men who you wanted to succeed? What does wishing you could see anyone be destroyed make you?
Oz is a show that asks, sometime forces, you to think about men in ways we rarely do. In the daily grind of Oswald Maximum Security Penitentiary, surrounded almost entirely by other men and under constant surveillance by guards and fellow prisoners alike, you begin to wonder how a person maintains his sense of humanity. The endless machinations of particular characters and the show’s steady stream of violence and death keep things lively and were doubtlessly useful in those early HBO days (a few seasons aired before The Sopranos even existed). But beneath the ruckus you can see the characters blossom—then wither and crumble, and then sometimes blossom again.
A human has needs beyond fresh air, decent food, and freedom. But a human also needs friendship, affection, trust, non-violent physical touch. Oz is about life on the inside, so it allows you to consider a lifetime of literally having to live inside—inside your own self, a place deep within you that you try to protect at all costs because everything and everyone wants to break it and you.
Oz creates artistic freedom through the virtue of constraint: It closes its characters in, and so it allows them to open up in very small, real ways.
This is why it’s fascinating to watch a group of men make choices about trust, friendship, love. They succumb to manipulation, to hope, and to the very basic desire of needing to feel loved. When Beecher and Keller (calling all Christopher Meloni fans) go through round after round of love and betrayal, you want them to stop being horrible to each other but god, do you also want them to make it. And make out. Or when you watch Miguel deal with the emotions around his baby, you want him to make better choices, to believe in the man he wishes he could be.
Oz approaches this need for an internal strength through faith as much as it does through human connection. Even better, it does this in part through Father Mukada and Sister Peter Marie, played by B.D. Wong and Rita Moreno, respectively (on the secular side, Patti Lupone makes a cameo. I’m telling you, Ozis a miracle). Oz was also one of the only mainstream American shows to depict Black Muslim characters with nuance and respect, particularly the character of Kareem Said, played by Eamonn Walker (particularly surprising, considering nearly three full seasons aired after 9/11). In fact, one of the show’s only true missteps, one that lazily and without reason violates the show’s own logic and careful treatment of faith-related issues, is with a Jewish character (one of maybe two Jewish people depicted in the entire series). This will make you mad for many reasons. In fact, much of the last season will make you mad for many reasons. We can talk about it when you get there.

I didn’t watch Oz when it aired on HBO. In fact, I didn’t see a single episode until 2013, the year I became friends with Mallory. She immediately shoved the DVDs for the first season in my hands. We watched the first few episodes, and then I made the huge mistake of bingeing the rest of the season on my own. I called her, distraught. “Don’t watch any more by yourself!” she admonished me. “You need me there.” She was right.
Oz flipped many scripts. It didn’t shy away from race riots. It put characters on death row and didn’t always pardon them, put them the hole and in solitary and showed how that damaged them. It showed men struggling to find emotional and spiritual connection, while also contending with not owning or being in control of their own bodies. I thought about my old friend in 1998, and I wonder if he was ready to think about all those things, especially on his own.
So if you are going to watch Oz, watch it with someone. Sure, Mallory and I will forever share a love of Dino’s need to run the kitchen, of Adebisi’s hat, of Martin Querns and of Torquemada (I love you, Bobby Cannavale!). We’ve referenced Ozto make a lot of jokes but we have also talked seriously about this show and its implications. Of course, art and music and film give people a shared language and a tangible culture to use as shortcuts in getting to know one another. But I like to think that as much as it entertained and allowed us to shriek at Beecher’s-gone-wild facial hair or the dentistry scene, Oz made us go inside a little bit too.
PS: This time I’m the Beecher, the one who finally stopped being so goddamn afraid of writing an essay about a television show.

понедельник, 24 апреля 2017 г.

You met where? Forget looking for love online and blind dates, Cupid works in mysterious ways

Forget looking for love online and blind dates, Cupid works in mysterious ways – Labour’s David Miliband met his wife Louise on a flight from Rome. So set your love compass to romance and who knows where you’ll find Mr Right...

Mistaken identity


'He thought I was someone else'
Hannah White, 29, is a fashion buyer from south-west London. She says:

A message on Facebook led James to Hannah
"Logging into my Facebook account in July 2009, I was confused to see a message from a guy called James, who I was sure I didn't know.
'Hi Hannah, nice to meet you over the weekend. Wondered if you fancied going for a drink some time?' it read.
I laughed, realising this guy had clearly got the wrong person. I definitely hadn't met a James at the weekend.
'Wrong Hannah,' I replied. 'Unless I have severe memory loss!' Hitting send, I didn't expect to hear from him ever again.
No one was more surprised than me when James replied and we started a jokey online conversation, culminating in him asking me out for a drink.
I'd never been out with, or even kissed, someone totally random before. I'd always stuck to friends of friends when it came to dating.
But I'd been single for three years and James' cheeky Facebook messages made me laugh, so I thought 'why not?'. I had nothing to lose.
Was he handsome? I couldn't really tell, his Facebook profile picture was of him in a weird fancy-dress outfit - with pink tights and a headband!
A week later we met on a rainy night at a bar in Putney, south-west London.
That day, I'd nearly backed out of the date. What was I doing going to meet a guy I didn't know? It was so unlike me.
But my housemates thought it was hysterical that I was going out with a guy who'd actually been trying to find someone else, and insisted I went along to meet him.
I felt a bit nervous as I walked into the bar. I recognised him straightaway and, thankfully, he looked normal in jeans and a polo shirt.
I thought he was cute, but I had to get my head around the fact that I was on a date with a stranger I'd met on Facebook.
He told me he'd recently met a blonde girl called Hannah at a barbecue and, after regretting not getting her number, had tried to track her down on Facebook and found me instead. I wasn't offended that he'd been looking for another girl. I thought it was funny.
We got on brilliantly, even better than online! As we talked, we discovered we'd both gone to university in Newcastle, and had both been on holiday in Portugal, even going to the same nightclubs. There seemed to be so many coincidences, I couldn't believe how similar our lives were.
The date was really good fun and James asked me out again. On our second date we shared a kiss.
We've been together over a year now, and people love to hear the story of how we met - most of them think it's hilarious.
For Valentine's day this year, I had a printout of our original Facebook messages framed as a special memory of how we met.
Whether it was fate or just a happy accident that brought us together, all I know is that I've never been happier and I'm so glad James didn't get the other Hannah's phone number at the barbecue that weekend."
James Gilmore, 30, is an insurance broker from west London. He says:
"I kicked myself for not asking Hannah from the barbecue for her number, but it was the best decision I've ever made.
I was so embarrassed when I realised I'd messaged the wrong girl. I'd never tried to track anyone down on Facebook before, and clearly I wasn't very good at it! But Hannah number two was so pretty and didn't seem to mind the fact that some idiot had messaged her by accident. So I thought it was worth asking her out.
As we sat talking on our first date, I realised she was a pretty special woman, and I hoped she'd want to see me again.
What are the chances of meeting someone so gorgeous, who you get on with so well, completely by accident on Facebook? I definitely think fate played a part in us meeting like that - how else can you explain it?"
Lost property


'I lost my phone but found love'
Lorna Kings, 25, is a make-up artist from Harrow, north-west London. She says:

Love was calling for Lee and Lorna
"Last September, I was sitting in a bar in Harrow opposite a tall and handsome man, chatting and laughing like we'd known each other for years.
But I'd only met Lee a few minutes before when I'd collected my mobile phone from him after leaving it on a bus days earlier. Lee had found it and, when I'd called my number in a panic, he'd answered and offered to meet me and return it.
All I'd been bothered about was getting my phone back - but as soon as I saw Lee, I felt a spark. When he asked me out there and then, I decided it would be a laugh. I'd been single for two years, so what was the harm? Plus, Lee was exactly my type.
It felt very surreal to be on a date with someone I'd just met, our only connection my lost phone. Lee told me he was a chef and lived in Brighton. He'd been in London visiting friends and was on the bus home when he noticed my phone on the seat. I'd had lots of shopping bags with me and I must have dropped it on the seat without noticing.
At the end of our impromptu date, we swapped numbers. Lee called me a few days later and I travelled down to Brighton to see him. We spent the day together, walking on the beach and getting to know one another. And now, a year later, we're still together and very in love.
He cooks me delicious meals, he makes me laugh with his cheeky sense of humour what's not to love?
My friends and family just can't believe we met because I was clumsy enough to lose my phone on the bus. They're always saying: 'That's a story to tell the grandchildren!'
I was happy when I was single, but I'm even happier now that I'm with Lee. I truly believe that when you're not looking for love it just shows up. So now, if Lee and I ever fall out, we both remember how we got together and that there must have been a reason Lee found my phone that day. We always make up pretty quickly!
I'm not a superstitious person, but I now believe certain people are meant to come into your life for a reason, and I definitely see my future with Lee."
Lee Bawyers, 24, is a chef from Brighton. He says:
"Losing your mobile phone is such a nightmare, so when I saw one left on a bus seat I was keen to do a good deed and return it to its owner.
Fortunately, Lorna called her phone and we were able to arrange to meet up. She's a gorgeous girl and, being a bit of a cheeky chap, I decided to try my luck and ask her out for a drink.
Lorna is my first serious girlfriend and I still can't believe how lucky I am to have found her. They say what goes around, comes around and I've definitely got my reward for my good deed."
The emergency pick-up


'I found love in a tow truck'
Natalie Down, 26, is a student veterinary nurse from Wool, Dorset. She says:

Gareth was Natalie's knight in a shining tow truck
"Every girl dreams of being rescued by a knight in shining armour, but I never expected mine to pull up in a tow truck.
What had been a miserable afternoon - my car breaking down in the rain, calling a recovery service and then waiting for them - would become an afternoon that changed my life forever.
In April 2007, my mum Karen and I were on the way to see my granddad, an hour's drive from my home in ¿Dorset, when my Vauxhall Corsa came to a juddering halt. Luckily, I had breakdown cover and called for a tow truck straightaway.
When it arrived and a tall guy with a cheeky smile got out and introduced himself as Gareth, I turned to Mum and said: 'He's a bit of alright, isn't he?'.
I had a boyfriend, but our four-and-a half-year relationship was coming to an end and, although I knew I shouldn't be attracted to Gareth, I couldn't help it.
He towed my car home and Mum and I clambered into his truck. I sat beside him and we chatted like old friends. Back at mine, we invited him in for a coffee and he stayed for three hours.
He told us he lived in Poole, 15 minutes away, and had a girlfriend but that the relationship wasn't going well. Then he offered to fix my car for a fraction of what a garage would charge.
We swapped numbers so we could arrange for him to work on my car. After exchanging a few texts, he asked me out for a drink as friends and, a couple of weeks later, we met up.
We spent the night laughing and as we said goodbye I knew there was more than friendship between us.

Natalie arrived in a tow truck for her wedding to Gareth
Splitting up with our partners was never discussed, but independently we both did just that. Then a month after we first met, Gareth and I started dating.
We moved in together in August 2007 and in October 2008 we went on a break to Disneyland Paris, where Gareth proposed. We set the date for May this year, at the Marsham Court Hotel in Bournemouth.
I came up with the idea of arriving in a tow truck as a tribute to the way Gareth and I had first met. We arranged for a red 40-foot truck to take me and my stepdad Andrew to the wedding.
If someone had told me that my future husband would be a tow-truck driver who came to my rescue one rainy afternoon in April, I'd never believed it. I thank my car for bringing us together!"
Gareth Down, 23, is a service manager for a motor company. He says:
"I was actually on a day off when I got a call from work asking if I could help with a breakdown. I reluctantly agreed, but now I'm so glad I did.
When I spotted Natalie at the side of the road, I immediately thought she was gorgeous. Then as I worked away on her car and started chatting, the more I wanted to get to know her.
The relationship I was in at the time wasn't working, but I made sure I was single before anything happened between Natalie and me.
When my colleagues found out I was dating someone I'd towed, they gave me a bit of a ribbing, but they could see how perfect Natalie and I are for one another.

A plane crash brought this couple together
Our wedding was amazing, and it was very fitting that Natalie arrived in a tow truck. After all, that's what brought her into my life in the first place!"
Ben Bostic, 39, and Laura Zych, 31, boarded a plane in January 2009, but could never have dreamt it would end up crashing into New York's Hudson River, or that their brush with death would bring them into each other's arms. The couple have been together ever since.

четверг, 13 апреля 2017 г.

10 new ways to meet a man

Matchmaking is getting a 2010 makeover. Here are the hottest new ways to bag a bloke and send your love life into a different dimension. Get ready for take-off!

1.Bag a divorcee
Finding The One after The One is hard work, especially when you've been out of the dating game for years. Step forward dating websites for divorcees! Lorna Harris, 40, a kids' entertainer and mum of four, from Maidstone, Kent, gave it a go.
Lorna says: "My ex-husband, Paul, and I divorced in 2002 after being together for 14 years. When we first separated, I was too busy being a mum to think about dating. After years of watching my divorced pals go on fun dates and meet men, while I sat at home feeling lonely, I decided it was time to get out there again.
Because I'd been in a couple for so long the idea of going to bars to talk to guys was terrifiying. Scared, I gave it a try, but the men I met were put off by the fact I was divorced with kids. I wondered if I'd ever get my dating mojo back.
Then a year ago, a friend suggested that I join Dating4divorced.co.uk. Online dating wasn't around the last time I was single, so it was a revelation. When the kids were in bed, I could go online and chat to guys in similar situations without the pressure of going out and making small talk. Everyone on the site's been through difficult times, so we understand each other and have common ground.
So far, I've been on a few dates and I had one relationship which lasted a couple of months. Martin*, 37, had two young daughters and had been divorced for two years. We had a great time, taking our kids for dates in the park, but he wanted to get serious. I'm not ready for that yet, so we ended it on good terms. I'm still online dating. I haven't met the right guy yet, but who knows what the future holds?"

2.Pull with a pooch
Canine dating (for their owners, not the pooches!) is the latest craze to come from the US to Blighty, where singletons are shunning bars for parks hoping that their pets will be conversation starters - and show they're caring types too.
But if a guy heads out to meet girls with a mutt in tow, will he really be more attractive to the opposite sex? We sent DJ Marvyn Williams, 28, from London, out to investigate, armed with his secret weapon a very adorable nine-month-old golden retriever.
Ruby wasn't so impressed by Marvyn's chat
"I normally confine my (bad) chat-up lines to clubs, so using a dog to get dates sounded like a silly idea. Wouldn't girls in my local park think I was odd if I rocked up with one and started chatting?
But I've been single for five months, so I ran the idea past my female friends. Amazingly, they didn't laugh outright. In fact one even told me she'd been sunbathing outside the week before, when she'd got talking to a guy with a puppy (apparently it was 'sooo cute'). Before she knew it, she'd handed over her number. Hmm... maybe there was something in this dog dating lark?
Intrigued, I borrow a friend's dog, Ruby. She's cuddly and fun - maybe that means girls will think I am, too (fingers crossed!). She's not a slobberer (women hate that stuff), or a crotch-sniffer (ditto), so that's got to go in my favour, right? Let's see.
I head to a north London park full of dog walkers, joggers and, most importantly, single ladies. As I chase along behind Ruby, making my apologies to anyone she bumps into, I try to spark up conversations, even if they're a bit lame ('Lovely day, isn't it?'). After 30 minutes of trying, we strike gold. Ruby bounds over to a gorgeous woman taking a morning stroll. As my new best friend gets tangled between the blonde's ankles, I apologise. 'Don't mention it,' she says. 'Your dog's beautiful.' A-ha! We start chatting about Ruby, then - ice broken - turn to other subjects. Soon, I know the blonde likes football and is a Masters student. Result! I ask for her name so I can find her on Facebook.
Back home, the blonde (AKA Amy) and I make friends on Facebook and arrange a date the next week. Now, I just need to think of a way to explain where Ruby is if she asks I'm a convert to the canine craze. Depending on how my date goes, Ruby and I could soon be on the pull in a park near you!"

3.Have a tweet-up
Whether you're a Twaddict who is always on Twitter, or a novice who doesn't know their @ from their elbow, we have news: the social-networking site is the place to meet men. As 24-year-old writer Sophie Robehmed, from Devon, explains
"I joined Twitter in April 2009, thinking it would be a great way to keep in touch with friends - reading their posts to see what was happening in their lives - but I never expected to meet a guy on it.
After a couple of months, I got an email from Twitter telling me that a bloke called Dan Worth, 25, was now 'following' me (in other words, getting the updates I posted on the site). I recognised his name, but didn't know where from. Intrigued, I found Dan's Twitter page. I discovered he was a friend of a friend and had been at Cardiff University with me!
I messaged Dan. He replied explaining that he'd seen my name on a mutual friend's Twitter page and liked my posts. We started chatting.
After three months of messaging daily, I felt like I knew Dan, who's also a writer, so we arranged a 'real world' date in the park. We had our first kiss a few days later.
Now, we've been together for almost a year. Without Twitter I'd never have met Dan."

4.Date on TV
Forget Take Me Out, the new matchmaking show is Dinner Date, and it hits our screens this month. Cue: lights, camera But did Fabulous' Laura Millar, 39, from Edinburgh, see any action?
'So Ian, are you doing the washing-up?'
Laura says: "Two of my all-time favourite things are food and men - in that order, but ideally in some combination. I've been single for three years, so when I heard that a TV company was looking for people to take part in a new dating show that involved both,
I signed up immediately.
In each episode, a man or a woman chooses from five menus put forward by members of the opposite sex, then selects three people they'd like to meet based on the menu. After the dinners, they choose their favourite to go on a proper date with.
I soon got the call to tell me I was going to be one of five women who'd have to submit a menu for a guy to choose from.
I went for baked Portobello mushrooms stuffed with spinach and goat's cheese, then red wine risotto, and Eton mess to finish.
The production company rang to tell me mine was one of the three menus chosen - I was in with a chance! Now all I had to do was cook it. On television. And win.
At 8pm the camera crew recorded for posterity my first reaction to well, not the sex god I'd been hoping for, that's for sure. Ian, a 42-year-old estate agent from Essex, seemed nice enough and the bottle of sparkling wine I had on ice ensured that the conversation flowed. The menu went down a treat - he had seconds - and I was convinced it was in the bag. But I had to wait for him to sample the other ladies' food before finding out if I'd been his favourite.
Two days later, the camera crew was back, ready to reveal who Ian had chosen. Did he pick me? Well, you'll have to wait and see"
Dinner Date is on weekdays, 12.30pm, ITV1, from Monday August 9.

5.And if you can't get on TV...
Why not sign yourself up to one of these foodie options instead?
Blind dinner dates: These take place over a meal in a local restaurant, where you'll be part of a group of guys and girls looking for love. To find out more, visit Whenthemusicstops.com.
Wine tasting: Try some new tipples, meet a guy who whets your appetite (hopefully), and come home with some phone numbers as well as your hangover. Job done. For more information, just take yourself off to Winedater.co.uk or Urbansocial.com on your lunch hour one day.

6.Get Meddled with
The premise is simple: cool bar + equal numbers of single men and women + alcohol = fun times! Well, that's the theory behind a new dating night called Meddlers Of Honour, anyway. But what if you're just not brave enough to go up to a guy you like the look of, even with Dutch courage? This is where the Meddlers come in. Sprinkled through the crowd with big, bright 'M's around their necks, these men and women will approach members of the opposite sex on your behalf and find out whether you're compatible. Simples! It's all right if you take a shine to your Meddler too; most of them, we're told, are also single. Visit Meddlersofhonour.com.

7.Pimp your profile
Getting your internet dating profile to stand out (in a good way) is tough. So why not hire a new kind of love coach - who makes over your profile for you. Evan Marc Katz runs E-cyrano.com and will advise you on everything from your pic (never use one of you with hot friends - he might fancy them more!) to your username ('Sexslave69' and Redhotmama' won't attract nice guys), to what to write (saying you have a 'GSOH' shows you probably don't). Your inbox will be innundated.

8.Try iDating
Could your phone find you love? Maybe! On the iPhone, you can download a nifty little app called StreetSpark, which tells you about men in your area who match your interests. Look at their profiles and either 'spark' or 'extinguish' them. If they 'spark' back, start chatting Visit Streetspark.com.

9.Go quirky
3 weird and wonderful ways to meet men:
Don't love - hate!

Speed-dating's evil twin. On 'speed-hating' nights singletons forget their Ps and Qs, instead discussing what annoys them. Both hate Jordan or Marmite? You could have a future. (Downwithdating.com).
Get your pulse racing
Adrenalin junkies meet like-minded (and bodied) singles on adventure trips. The One could climb, kayak or surf into your life! (Dateactive.co.uk).
If in doubt, say nowt
Hate making small talk? Then try silent dating. Armed with a pen and paper, singletons exchange notes rather than mindless chitchat. (Silentdating.com).

10.Chat up a celebrity
Fancy dating George Clooney? Then Celebritydatingnetwork.com could be for you. OK, so while you won't bag the actual Mr C (though they claim to have celebs on their books), the site will find the next best thing. By entering details about the appearance of your A-list crush, they'll match you up with the lonely heart that most resembles him.
It all sounds a bit stalker-ish, but if you end up bagging Mr Depp's double, who cares?!

суббота, 14 января 2017 г.

Billie Piper: "I'd love to marry again" but Chris Evans will always be in my heart

 

Billie Piper's new man will have to live in her ex-husband's shadow.
Billie Piper's short life has had more twists and turns than a soap opera.
At 15 she was a pop star, at 18 she married millionaire Chris Evans, then at 21 she was single again.
Now, aged 24, she's one of our best-loved actresses. After splitting from boyfriend Amadu Sowe, who comforted her after her split from Chris, she's now dating Laurence Fox, an actor she met in rehearsals for the stage play Treats, in which they play lovers.
The headspinning speed at which Billie lives and loves hasn't come without cost, though. The star, who has been dogged by insecurity most of her life, now reckons she'll never settle down and find the comfort she briefly felt with Chris.
"I used to think, ŒYes, I can definitely see myself getting married again' - loads more times probably. But I'm in no rush," she admits.
"I do love being domesticated, but life can take you on a different course to the one you have planned for yourself. I've learned that you can't truly plan the future." But one thing Billie is sure of - and something her new lover will need to get used to - is that no matter how close they get, Chris Evans will remain a huge part of her life. In fact Billie says their relationship is so unique she doesn't expect Laurence to understand.
She says: "We have an extraordinary relationship and no one else understands it so they don't accept it. Chris and I are still really close and that's something that will never change." Billie remains tight-lipped about Laurence but admits that work put a strain on her relationship with Amadu.
She says: "While I was filming Dr Who in Cardiff, I worked 12- to 13-hour days. Most of the time I was in a hotel room with room service. Amadu visited, but not as much as I'd have liked, and there wasn't much chance to do anything after work." Billie won praise for her part as Rose Tyler in BBC1's Bafta-award-winning sci-fi series Dr Who. Although she left the show last year, she'll be on our screens again next month in ITV1's adaptation of Jane Austen's Mansfield Park.
Despite her successful crossover from child pop sensation to serious actress, Billie, who has suffered recurring bouts of anorexia, still prefers to stay as far out of the public eye as possible.
"I can't bear parties and premieres, they make me feel unbelievably insecure," she says. "I get really clammy hands at things like that.
"I'd rather see a film with my mates. I don't need to walk down the red carpet in a backless dress to see a movie unless I'm going to support a friend who is in it.
"Some people love all that but it's not for me. I don't think less of people who do it but I can't be bothered to put myself through the stress of finding a great outfit and hoping other people like it.
"My idea of a great night is to stay in with lots of food and sit on the sofa in front of the fire. I can't be bothered to do anything else. Often, I get home from work and think, is it wrong to want to put my pyjamas on and go to bed at 7.30pm? I love going to bed early and I love my sleep." Billie blames most of her past problems on her pop career.
"It really messed me up at times," she says. "I suppose it was because I wasn't happy doing it.
It hasn't been high-flying the entire way. There have been times when my life has been pretty bleak, but I'm feeling good right now." And she admits she is no longer hung up on her body image. During the worst of her anorexia, she tried eating tissues to fill herself up.
"I was always struggling with my weight," she admits. "I'm a size 12 on the bottom half and a size 10 on the top. I never weigh myself. And I make sure I am careful not to give girls ideas on how to lose weight. That's what I used to do - I would read an article in a magazine about anorexia and think, ŒOK, I'll do that'. I still hate looking at myself in photos.
"I was brought up on bread and butter so I'm a self-confessed bread addict.
I probably should go to the gym more but I can't be bothered. I shouldn't smoke as much either, but I like a cigarette - I like all the things you aren't supposed to like.
"I enjoy good food at home and I walk my dog a lot, but I don't have an exercise routine. American actors will get up at 3am and go to the gym for two hours and then start their day. I can't think of anything worse. That's why they look so amazing - but I would rather be in bed."
As to the future, Billie, who lives in Belsize Park, North London, says: "It's hard to predict anything. If someone said to me two years ago, you will have been in a massive TV show, won some awards and written a book, I would have said 'rubbish'.
"It just goes to show that you never know what life has in store for you."

пятница, 13 января 2017 г.

Love story: "I ran off with my best friend's dad"

 Charlene Cuthbertson, 18, risked everything to be with the man she Loved
Me and my best friend Aggie were inseparable. Every day after school we'd go back to her place to talk about the latest boys we fancied and practise dance routines to Destiny's Child CDs.
I got on well with her parents, particularly her dad, Stuart. He'd have me in stitches with his cheesy jokes, and I found him really good-looking, too.
I started sending him texts.
I was 15 and had a bit of a teenage crush.
But he was married to Aggie's mum, and was careful not to respond to my flirting.
Still, I knew what I was doing - and it was exciting. I didn't think of the consequences because I didn't think I'd get found out. It was just a bit of fun. I didn't consider how it would affect anyone.
Finally, when I was 16, Stuart admitted he had feelings for me and we shared our first kiss. He was 43 and I was flattered to have an older man interested in me.
Before long, our relationship became physical. I didn't feel guilty about having an affair with him because his marriage was already on the rocks. But I did feel guilty about not telling Aggie the truth.
Up until now, we'd always shared everything. But how could I tell her that I was having a fling with her dad?
It didn't take long for me to fall in love with Stuart. He was so worldly and I was learning new things with him all the time.
But in June 2004, Aggie's sister found my text messages on his mobile phone and realised what had been happening. Immediately, she told her mum, who then emailed me and asked if there was anything I had to tell her.
I said no, but it didn't help. Aggie stopped talking to me. I wanted to explain that this was more than just a crush - I was in love with her dad.
But I didn't want to push it and risk losing her forever. So I gave her some space.
I continued seeing Stuart,
and eventually he split up with his wife. By now, I was living the high life - from being a penniless student, I was being taken out to dinner and treated like a princess.
At the time, I was supposed to be doing a beauty therapy course in Lincoln, but I kept bunking off to see Stuart. By October, I'd quit college so we could spend more time together. It was around about then that I also got back in touch with Aggie.
We had dinner and I finally got a chance to explain myself. She felt hurt and betrayed, but eventually she agreed to patch things up.
Then Stuart had the idea of me and him going travelling in France. It was a dream come true and a chance to get away from the pressures that were being placed on our relationship.
The following February, we packed our bags and had a fantastic time seeing the sights together.
Stuart and I were bitten by the travel bug, and in April 2005, we headed off to Australia for two months.
When we got home to Lincoln, we made plans to move in together - with Aggie and her sister. By now, my parents knew about us, and of course they weren't happy. ŒJust be careful,' my mum warned.
For the first few weeks, everything was great, and I easily slipped into the role of Œmum'.
But it was strange going from being Aggie's best friend to suddenly running her family.
I'd do everything, from her laundry to her dinner. I'd even have to nag her to clean her room when it got messy.
It didn't take long for our relationship to become strained again, and I gradually began to notice that Stuart's loyalties lay with his daughter rather than me.
After my 18th birthday, we began rowing a lot about money. We started sleeping in separate bedrooms and eventually I packed my bags and went to stay in my parents' home in Cyprus.
There are no hard feelings between me and Stuart. He's got a new woman now and I accept that. What I do regret is losing my best friend. Aggie and I haven't spoken since my relationship with her dad ended. I've tried to get in touch, but haven't heard back yet.
I hope one day I'll get my best friend back. One thing's for sure - I'll never put a man before mates again. This experience has taught me that.

вторник, 3 января 2017 г.

Love quiz: Lust, lies & married men

Making moves on married men and refusing to be seduced by money - the results are in.

Ex-rated sex

When you get hot and heavy in the bedroom, it seems that your current partner isn't necessarily enough to keep you satisfied. Over 25 per cent of you have fantasised about getting sexy with an ex while you're making out with your lover. If only your partners knew! Not content with just dreaming about someone else, over half of you believe you can actually love two people at the same time. Naughty minxes.
Your cheatin' hearts
A third of you have taken your fantasies one step further and have been unfaithful to your partners.
"I've cheated more than once," one of you confessed. "I was overwhelmed by their magnetic personalities and had to stray. It was purely physical chemistry. And one time it caused me to break up an engagement but I was so in love, I couldn't eat or sleep - he totally bowled me over."
But seeing someone on the side hasn't always made you happy. "One night, I got very drunk and slept with a friend, resulting in a three-month affair," one woman told us. "My boyfriend forgave me and we're back together, but it's the biggest regret of my life."

*40% of you are attracted to bad boys*

The other women
And it turns out that you're not just having flings with sexy singletons. Nearly a quarter of you admitted to being a married man's mistress. Bad girls!
Forgive and forget?
Although love (supposedly) means never having to say you're sorry, 39 per cent of you would forgive an affair if you really loved your partner. Probably because almost the same amount of you have cheated yourselves. Is that a guilty conscience talking?
He's The One
On the positive side, many of you do seem to think that love conquers all. Nearly three-quarters of you still believe in 'The One'. Forget settling for Mr Right Now - as advocated recently by American author Lori Gottlieb in her book, Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough - you're holding out for Mr Right. And as 61 per cent of you believe in love at first sight, you'll know him when you see him!

*61% believe in love at first sight*

Dangerous liaisons
Let's just hope Mr Right isn't a bad boy -nearly 40 per cent of you admit continually falling for men who aren't good for you.
"They always break my heart," one of you confessed, "but I can't help myself."
They may ooze sex appeal, but ladies be warned - it's going to end in tears.
Can't buy you love
No amount of Gucci handbags or Jimmy Choos would persuade you to date someone. That's right, cash won't buy your love - with a whopping 93 per cent of you refusing to let money be the reason you marry or even fall for someone.

*33% of you have cheated on your partners*

No sex please, we're in love

Almost all of you - a whopping 95 per cent - believe that true love is more important than sex. And 84 per cent agree that you can be in love while not having good sex with the person you're in love with.
"A relationship that's held together just by sex is doomed to fail should either partner lose interest for emotional or physical reasons," says one reader.
"Sex is great, but love makes it even better. Sex without love is good, but not as good as love without sex," adds another.
'It's idealistic to say love is more important than sex'
Tracey Cox
Relationship expert Tracey Cox says: "More people than ever are having affairs and marriage rates have gone down - but I don't think we're ever going to give up on love. It's great that women still believe in true love, but stats have shown that having good, regular sex does account for about 25 per cent of the happiness in a relationship. Women are being a bit idealistic if they think that love is more important than sex. It's a vital part of a healthy, loving partnership.
Long-term, the hormones that make sex exciting settle down as you relax into the security of the relationship. You have to work to keep the passion alive. It comes down to a combination of talking about it, willingness to try new things and making time for sex and each other.
It's when the passion goes that men - and, increasingly, women - are drawn to being unfaithful. In an ideal world, you'd be able to combine both excitement and security long-term with your partner, but that's not realistic. As women become more independent, they don't need a man to provide for them in the way their parents' generation might have. They're sexually confident and prepared to find pleasure, even if that means looking outside of their relationships.
And it comes as no surprise that women are fantasising about their exes, even when they're married. Married sex inevitably settles down into a routine of sorts, so you might compare it with the wild sex that you used to have with your ex. The important thing is that it remains just that, a fantasy, because it's not worth risking a good relationship for. Your ex is an ex for a reason, after all.
Women need to grow up a bit and take responsibility for what makes them happy. Everyone knows that sleeping with a married man or constantly falling for a bad boy isn't going to end in happily ever after.
Relationships aren't perfect, they have to be worked at. And hopefully we'll learn to do that a bit more this decade."
Tracey's new book, Supersex For Life, is out now (Dorling Kindersley, £14.99).
 
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