But he could do nothing about that. He was, after all, only a pudgy bear, a genetically engineered toy born out of the Nagushi-Mattel vats. He was only a pudgy bear, but he was that miraculous thing too, a savant pet-toy. He could play his gene-learned games and sing his gene-learned songs. He could do all the pudgy bear things that made his brothers so popular at Xmas time. But in addition he could think, reason, "ratiocinate" as the old dictionary that steadied Tilly's dresser on the uneven floor said in weak but still readable pale yellow electronic characters.
Pudgy Bear climbed down from the bed and went to the shelf where Fuzzy Bear lay. Fuzzy was a fat, soft toy with a fuzzy cloth skin stuffed with cushion filling. There was nothing about him that was or had been alive and Pudgy Bear always felt uneasy when he carried the creature as big as himself across the floor and hoisted it up onto the bed to nestle in Tilly's arms, taking the place that had been his before Pudgy's arrival in the household. Tilly smacked her lips and hugged the doll close. This made Pudgy a bit sad. He loved the little girl as he was supposed to, and he thought he would have even if it hadn't been engineered into his genes, triggered by the bonding drug injected into him by Tilly's parents on Xmas day two years before. But he had no way to know.
But Pudgy's need to learn was stronger than his desire to spend the night hugged close to Tilly. He had just finished reading Hamlet, marveling at the complexities of the human spirit revealed by it. He had enjoyed Macbeth, finding it exciting and mysterious, and had found King Lear profoundly moving in the depths of its exploration of human loyalties and hubris. But Hamlet was a masterpiece that for now defied any description he could muster. Pudgy empathized with Hamlet in his loneliness and melancholy. As a savant bear he felt very much the same. Who was true of heart; whom could he trust? No one.
* * * * *
When Pudgy began to realize he knew the things he knew some secret caution inside himself urged him to be silent and learn before making his unique talents known to his people. He'd read enough now to know his caution had been well placed. Humans expected Pudgy Bears to do exactly as they were told and exactly what they were designed for: to be pet companions to children. As loving as some people could be, they could not be trusted. They were unpredictable and vicious creatures at the worst of times, although at the best of times capable of bravery and selflessness. As nearly as he could tell, how they would turn out as adults would came as much from their genetic makeup as from their education or environment. Yet the latter could not be overlooked.
Tilly's parents, for instance, were loving and attentive towards their little daughter. Even toward Pudgy Bear they displayed a kindness unusual in this world he learned through books and late night HiVee with the volume turned low enough so as not to awaken the household. The more he learned, the more he wondered about. Among the many things he wondered about was what made Tilly's parents the good people they seemed to be. They made sure his litter box was never dirty, and that there was always an ample supply of the Nagushi-Mattel protein kibble that, as the box put it, was "the recommended and greatest food treat for Pudgy Bears and acceptance of no substitutes should be made."
Pudgy read the Bible, the Koran, and the Bhagavad Gita to see if the secret of goodness might lie within these books. He read the Diary of Anne Frank, and Mein Kampf, and the Skinhead Manifesto, too. Gleaning the workings of the teletext function of the HiVee, he explored information countries far beyond the paperback boundaries of the shelves that filled his household. He was joyous when the gleaming characters on the screen revealed to him that as a savant toy he was not unique. There had been other incidents where brilliant living toys had risen into the light of knowledge.
But to his dismay he learned that they had been looked upon with revulsion, fallen victim to mistreatment at the hands of those who feared them. He nodded slowly as he read the archive news reports. He wondered how it was people could fear what were, after all, their own creations. There must be something deep within them that was terrified of existence itself. But what and why? From what books and the teletext screens told him, any human would be proud and happy to become the parent of a brilliant child. But reveal a brilliant pet-toy to the world and all hell broke loose. As exciting as his nocturnal life of the mind was, his knowledge of the ruling race of the planet sometimes filled him with loneliness and melancholy.
* * * * *
"We'll soon be in dreamland, Pudgy," Tilly said to him as she poured him imaginary tea from a child-sized pot.
"Thank you, Tilly," Pudgy replied as he raised his cup and pretended to drink the tea. It was dusk outside. Tilly had taken her bath and been read her story. She was now engaged in her pre-bedtime half-hour with Pudgy.
"Do you like my drawing, Pudgy? It's a sharptooth dinosaur, a Rex."
"It is a very nice drawing, Tilly."
Pudgy enjoyed the few minutes before dreamland he spent with Tilly each night. The simplicity of her conversations amused him, and the unabashed wonder and candidness she displayed he found endearing and encouraging. He knew that Tilly loved him and felt he was her best friend outside of her parents. He knew too that she would not be the same person at seven years old as at five and that even a Pudgy Bear would fall outside the center of her world as surely as had the lifeless Fuzzy Bear he dragged to her bed each night. But that was all right.
After the tea party, after the household was asleep, and after he had once again dutifully dragged Fuzzy Bear to his place under Tilly's arm, Pudgy Bear logged into the genetics forum on the supernet and assumed his identity of Dr. Bill Bear. In his hunger to understand his metamorphosis into a savant-toy, he had assimilated vast amounts of knowledge in bioscience, and engaged in lively online discussions with experts in genetics, artificial life, and synthetic intelligence.
He romped happily in network space, a disembodied intellect without peer, always careful to cover his electronic path, to mask his questions in such a way as to conceal his real nature. The trail of the ill-fated savant-toys had led more and more to the bonding drug and the massive amount of neuro-stimulators and RNA imprint material it carried. It was apparent to Pudgy Bear that the drug held in itself the power to create the neural equivalent of superconductivity, multiplying brain connections and the speed with which they communicated with each other. In the simple architecture of pet-toy's brains the bonding drug would occasionally catalyze with other brain chemicals to marvelous effect. His on-net friend Dr. Marie Stevenson shared his opinion on this.
I think you are on track, Bill. My research suggests the bonding drug produces a predictable incidence of superior intelligence in pet-toys. I would be interested in meeting with you in person to compare notes on this. The implications for working with human brain chemicals are exciting.
Pudgy Bear typed, I’m flattered that you validate my work, Marie. But as I've told you, my health does not permit me to travel or receive visitors.
After a time their conversations always came to this impasse. She would ask to meet him or for permission to visit him. He wondered why she kept trying. Then one night:
Would there be another reason? Marie typed back at him.
He hesitated at the keyboard, his sturdy, stubby fingers flexing indecisively.
Another reason? he typed.
Could it be possible that you, yourself, are a savant toy?
The words screamed at him from the screen, they burned him with their fiery glow, they stabbed his eyes and clawed at his heart.
You are joking with me.
Would you think it funny if I were one myself?
His heart leapt up. Could it be? Could it? Or was it the cruelest joke a human could inflict on a pet-toy? His fingers spasmed at the keyboard. His fingers logged off the net in shame. Pet-toys were neuters, assigned their superficial sex at the whim of marketing. Pudgy Bears wore overalls, Sissy Bears wore jumpers. But they were all the same under their skins. There could be no sexual love for them. But they were not barred from friendship and affection. And his friends, his faceless friends on the supernet had been his circle of support. He longed to log on again, to find Marie and open his mind and feelings to her.
But the risk was too great. Turning off the HiVee, he pushed the keyboard into its hidden recess and closed the door of the entertainment center.
That night he carried Fuzzy Bear back to the shelf and snuggled under Tilly's arm. Holding fast to her he wished he knew nothing at all.
* * * * *
For the rest of the year there was nothing to do for Pudgy Bear but learn. He haunted the supernet under a dozen aliases, speaking only when he had to, reading everything he could. He broke into and raided electronic banking centers to finance his learning, and to the empty house next door he had delivered the chemicals and tools to make him understand the secret of himself, working tirelessly until the early morning when he would scurry home to nestle against Tilly.
Then the evening came when he returned early and smelled the smoke. In the din of smoke alarms he crawled through the coal chute of the old house and scrambled upstairs, expecting to find Tilly’s parents awake with the situation fully in hand.
But it was madness inside. They were screaming in the thick smoke, their bedroom ablaze.
"This way!" he shouted from down where the air was still good. "This way out!"
He did not wait to see if they heard him, but scrambled to Tilly’s room, where she lay groggily awake, her eyes still heavy with sleep. He grabbed her hand and tried to drag her from the bed.
"C'mon, Tilly. We must get out."
"Mommy! Daddy!" she yelled.
He bit her arm with his flat, harmless teeth. She yelled and woke up.
"Mommy and Daddy are outside," he said. "Come with me."
She came with him then, holding his hand as he led her through the smoke and outside to the neighbor's porch, where he pounded the door with a rock until they opened up.
"Call 911," he said. "We need the fire department, paramedics and police."
Mrs. Jenkins, the neighbor, stared at him. He stared back, knowing he had not spoken or acted like a normal Pudgy Bear. Mrs. Jenkins was not stupid. She would realize it soon enough.
He turned to Tilly. "You have to stay with Mrs. Jenkins. Do you understand?"
She nodded at him wide eyed.
"I love you, Tilly," he said, before rushing back into the flaming house.
* * * * *
Pudgy Bear lay low for weeks. Only at night did he creep quietly from the boarded up house, moving from shadow to shadow, passing sadly the burned-out shell of the home where he had achieved consciousness and felt love.
Many officials had canvassed the neighborhood after the fire, asking about Tilly, asking about him. He knew from the newscasts that she was safe, placed with foster parents. He also knew they thought he had burned up in the house with Tilly’s parents. He almost had. He had gone back in with the intent of throwing any chase off the track, knowing of a drain in the basement large enough to get him safely away.
But he could not avoid the impulse to try to save his little girl’s mother and father. His metabolism was such that he needed only a fraction of the oxygen the humans did. Yet he had been hard pressed to make it to their room in the smoke and heat.
No amount of biting and prodding could revive them from the fumes that had overcome them. They had been dying even as their screams had begun. It had been a close thing to reach the cellar and filthy drain that had taken him to freedom.
Freedom, he thought bitterly. Freedom only to hide in the night, to enter dreamland alone with no Tilly to care for, and no one to care for him.
* * * * *
On one of his midnight walks an impulse struck him to leap in front of a speeding police cruiser and end his life of futility. But whether it was the insistence of the bonding drug’s imprint on him, or his real curiosity and desire to find a solution to his problem, he found he could not do it. Instead he wandered deeper into the city, finding himself on an unfamiliar street of run-down buildings and ragged people moving through the night as aimlessly as himself.
Glass shattered in a nearby alley and he peered around the corner, keeping to the shadows. A man lay in a heap of dirty rags, alcohol fumes and the odor of an unwashed body reeking from him. Pudgy approached cautiously, nose wrinkling. Settling back on his haunches a few feet away he felt saddened by the way human beings could waste themselves when life, even his own, was so precious.
Then the thought came to him. If the wreck of a human collapsed in front of him was no longer any good for himself, perhaps he could be good for someone else.
"I will call you Cousin Jim number one," he said to the snoring man. "I hope it will not take too many."
* * * * *
Life went on in the city for the next two years. Tilly moved from one foster home to another, where the people were kind but distant and too practical. Her old house was purchased and razed, and the house next door purchased too from estate disputants whose greed was more than satisfied.
A rash of deaths occurred in the city, homeless men were found dead, bearing needle marks from drugs they could never have afforded. There was not much for investigators to go on, and not much interest in homeless men.
One day the social worker came to see Tilly. She turned from her drawing table and stood up, a pretty, smart eight-year-old. A kind looking man stood next to the social worker.
"We've found some of your family. This is your cousin Jim," the social worker said.
Jim grinned at her. "I brought you something," he said.
Peeking shyly from behind his leg was a pudgy bear.
* * * * *
Pudgy Bear lay next to the sleeping Tilly and smiled into her peaceful face as he listened to Cousin Jim snoring down the hall. Pudgy was proud and ashamed all at once at some of the things he had done in the last year. He did not believe the end justified the means. But he believed the end was right for Tilly. He had worked hard to find the secrets of the mind and how to mold it and make it grow. He had worked hard to make up a life and background and new mind for Cousin Jim number eight. And there was at least a lifetime's worth of secrets yet to find.
But that would come in time. It was important now to stay close to Tilly. He glanced at the shelf where the smoke-darkened Fuzzy Bear sat, saved from the ashes by Mrs. Jenkins. Pudgy would not be dragging him next to Tilly again. For the next few years he would go off with her to dreamland himself.
END
About the Author: Warren Brown lives with his wife and daughter in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He has published stories in Omni, The Best of Omni Fiction, The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, After Hours, Amazing Stories and Tomorrow. He has published poetry in Nimrod and other magazines. Two of his stories, "What We Did That Night in the Ruins," and "Mayfly Night" received honorable mentions in anthologies of the year's best science fiction and the year's best horror.
He is a member and former president of the Oklahoma Science Fiction Writers and is a member of Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of
America.
Комментариев нет:
Отправить комментарий