It’s time to fine-tune your charm skills with our get-your-own-way tricks...
Ever wished you could nail that dream job interview, secure a pay rise or put your bossy boots best friend in her place once and for all? Well, listen up, because all it take are a few little tricks that are sure to give even the biggest confrontation-phobe Paul McKenna-style powers of persuasion.
"Charisma opens doors for people," explains psychologist Conrad Potts. "But even if you're not blessed with natural charm, we've now identified key persuasion techniques anyone can use to get ahead."
Time to banish the bitterness and sweet-talk your way to success!
Get-it goal: House-training your man
If you have to pick up one more pair of his pants, you'll shove 'em up his...! But how exactly can you get him to notice the dusty shelves and smudge-marked bathroom mirror?
From stress to yes: Yes, we know it's not the 1950s any more and most men these days do chip in with the chores, but why is it so many of them seem to be immune to spotting a festering sock pile or dirty sink? Could it be down to biology? Blindness? Being blinkin' clever?!
"If this sounds like your bloke, quit the nagging and try a tactic called reciprocity," says Dr Nicky Payne, psychology lecturer at Middlesex University. "Do something nice for him like buy him tickets to the footie and then (just as he's thinking how lucky he is) casually pipe up: 'Oh, it would be fab if you could mow the lawn/take the rubbish out/do your ironing.' Still no joy? Try the 'foot-in-the-door' tactic. "Ask your partner to do something minor like the washing-up," says Nicky. "Once he's agreed (your foot in the door), expand your request, saying: 'Actually, while you're at it, please could you mop the floor?' Research shows once people start a modest task, they're more likely to agree to a larger one, because they're already committed." Cunning.
Get-it goal: Landing a new job
These days, you're lucky to be offered an interview, let alone a full-time position. Here's how to persuade the company you're the best candidate for the job without grabbing the interviewer's ankles and begging "Pleeease!"
From stress to yes: "Show your personality with anecdotes that illustrate your skills in real-life situations," says Jo Ellen. "Your interviewer is unlikely to want to feel like an interrogator, so this will warm them to you."
"Get the interviewer to like you using a technique called 'ingratiation'," adds Nicky. "The more similar they think you are to them, the better they'll respond to you - so nod your head and agree with them as much as you can."
Mirroring your prospective boss by using the same words and speaking at a similar speed, pitch and volume, will subconsciously flatter them and form a bond. Secretly practise your mirroring techniques when you're with your friends beforehand - and come interview day, you're hired!
- Make demands later in the day. Research shows people are more likely to agree when tired and distracted.*
Get-it goal: Taking control of your feisty friend
While you love her dearly, she chooses when you meet, where you go and as for getting a word in edgeways you may as well not be there! She's bossy, domineering and controlling, so how do you stay friends when she's so high mate-inance?
From stress to yes: After months or years of coping with her behaviour, you may want to let loose and confront your friend. "But don't," warns Jo Ellen Grzyb, director of coaching company The Impact Factory. "Being persuasive doesn't have to be confrontational and aggressive. Instead, try a technique called 'gift-giving'."
No, don't shower her with pressies. When your friend takes over your plans by saying: "I think we should do this today," you reply with: "That's a great idea, but I just don't feel like doing that. Let's do this instead."
You give her the 'gift' of acknowledgment of her idea and you've been agreeable not confrontational - but you've done your own thing in the end. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but after a couple of times your friend will feel the pressure subconsciously and give a gift back - the gift of letting you make the decisions or plans for a change. Result!
Get-it goal: Nice neighbours
You've lived with Lady Gaga full-blast until 3am for a week, you can't park outside your house and yesterday, you almost had to be airlifted out of your home to get past their bin bags.
From stress to yes: "Neighbours have to be dealt with delicately," says University Of East London psychologist, Rowan Bayne. "Approach them calmly, explain there's something you'd like to discuss and ask when would be best for them - that way, you're respecting their boundaries.
"Don't go on the attack. Explain how their behaviour affects you by saying: 'I'd just like you to know your loud parties/tree hanging into my garden is disturbing me.' Suggest a compromise, such as warning you about their next party or offering to cut down the tree branches if they're busy."
You'll be borrowing cups of sugar in no time!
Get-it goal: Bagging a pay rise
Have you watched your colleagues scale the ranks while you work your butt off unnoticed? Then you need to make your boss see you're worth it.
From stress to yes: Suzanne Potts, co-author of Entitled To Respect, recommends writing a list of everything you do beyond your call of duty - such as staying late and working at the weekends - along with ways in which you've increased productivity and/or revenue.
"Explain to your boss that you love your job, then work through your list, pointing out what an asset you are to the company," says Suzanne. "Flatter them by saying how reasonable you've always found them to be, before adding that you think your efforts deserve to be recognised.
"If your boss won't play ball, cut to the chase. Say: 'Can you please tell me what I need to do to get a pay rise or promotion?' The onus is then on them to give you some specific goals you can meet to get rewarded."
- Studies show caffeine makes people more open to persuasion. Time to put the kettle on!**
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