As a Stay at home mom we assume we have plenty of time to spend with our children. We are not like the working mom who comes home and must set aside specific time with her child if she is going to nurture that relationship. We are with them all the time, right? Yet being with them, and spending time with them are two separate statements.
One mom describes a day with her children to me recently. They went to the gym for an hour, came home and she played ball with them, and she spent the entire morning in the pool with them just the three of them. She spends time in the afternoon working with her daughter on reading. ( Her daughter is not in kindergarten and reading very well) And yes, before you say it… her house wasclean with no maid. Probably because they have not been inside pulling out the toys all day.
I have to admit that I am guilty of finding that most days I have been with my kids and not spent time with them. I keep them active, we go to the park or the swimming pool, and such, several days a week, and they love that. They get plenty of play dates. We usually go swimming or to the park with other moms and their kids, which leaves me able to talk to an adult and they get to be with kids their own age. This is good and healthy. However, when we are home… I need to clean up, and I need to call so many people, I ended up on the phone for 30 minutes rather than 10 and my daughter has tried to talk to me several times with an “I’ll be off in a minute” answer, I need to check my email, and oh I need to fold the laundry, and now I need to cook dinner. In the midst of that, my daughter has tried to talk to me and I have put her off, I had to put one in time out for hitting her sister, and the bedroom has every toy pulled into the middle of the floor. Just another thing to clean up.
Here’s the thing. I am with my kids all day, yet how much time did I spend with them? I know I am not the only one guilty of this. I recently read in Parenting magazine (August issue, Page 127) that “Fifteen minutes of one-on-one time a day with a child can significantly reduce aggressive behavior”. I probably spend that much time a day refereeing arguments between my kids. How much could that be reduced if instead I took that time to sit down with them, and facilitate play with them? If it reduces aggressive behavior it more than likely reduces whining, and discontentment. How much does it say to us, that 15 minutes a day of personal attention from their mother greatly effects their behavior? How powerful that relationship as a parent, not just a disciplinarian.
Life is just as busy for the “stay at home” mom as it is for the working mom. Our day can get filled with “to-do’s” and forget to do what is most important.My goal is to plan my “quality time” with them if need be. Turn off the cell phone, and the computer and set the dryer to air fluff. Spend 15-20 minutes a day with each of my children. I will remember why I had them to begin with, and why I stay at home in the first place. I will put them on my “to-do” list if necessary.
1 комментарий:
That’s so true. It can be hard sometimes making enough time for the kids. I like to try for time to do special projects with mine. We made Play Dough today, for example.
For me another challenge can be keeping things balanced between the kids. My 5 year old is very bright and independent, while my 2-1/2 year old just plain needs a lot more, especially as we are just about to start speech therapy. My oldest has had to be very patient with the extras my son has needed through the past couple years.
One of the things I do is remember that doing things together really helps. It doesn’t all have to be play either. Anything you’re doing where you can talk can help. I cook with my kids, have them help with chores and so forth.
We also try for the occasional special outing with one child with Mommy, the other with Daddy. Gives each something special without leaving the other out. Lets us cope with their differing interests too.
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