SEXUALITY - When is a couple years, sex is not always spontaneous. This is something that must sometimes work even if, culturally, this idea is a little difficult to accept.
"I can not really explain why we want sex to be something spontaneous," explains Megan Fleming , a psychologist and sex therapist based in New York. "The fact is that, for most couples, it is necessary that all the conditions are met to make love, they are refreshed and relaxed."
The good news is that there are tricks to engage more often in the sports room. Here are some tips provided by our specialists and some of his colleagues.
1. Test new sensations again and again
"When testing new practices, relax and enjoy the moment. Try new things, start and evaluate your feelings. Give more space to sensations that give you pleasure while making adjustments and trying new things." - Megan Fleming
2. Launch the idea of a hug turns
"Too often that one partner has no desire to make love the other, which can, over time, cause a feeling of humiliation and guilt in the initiator / the initiator . sexual life in a couple would be more balanced if each partner proposed to turn to go frolicking under the covers. " - Moushumi Ghose , sexologist and author of Classic Sex Positions Reinvented .
3. Go to bed at the same time
"Go to bed at the same time that his partner is a ritual that reinforces the relationship. The pillow talk, and being lying side by side while still awake, are more conducive to lovemaking." - Laurel Steinberg , a psychotherapist specializing in sexual disorders.
4. Stop view sex as an obligation on your schedule
"I'd like everyone to take the time to slow down, to arise and be available to recharge emotionally and physically, to enjoy sensual moments together. Many couples are overworked, stressed, and see sex as a obligation to remove from their schedule in order to be productive again. Ideally, make love to be a moment of pure relaxation and pleasure. But in reality, it takes time to be available. " - Sari Cooper , a graduate sexologist, sex coach and presenter of the program Sex Esteem , broadcast on the web.
5. See the porn in a different light
"When the porn problem within a couple, it is not he who is responsible but rather the secretiveness that creates my advice. Grant him a place in your marriage Watching porn is two. a good way to bring the excitement that leads to sexual desire. Explore the different types of porn , as if you zappiez from one channel to the other. you do not have to like everything you see. " - Ian Kerner , sex therapist and author of She first: Small guide for men to please women , best-selling New York Times .
6. Talk about your fantasies and secret desires
"Do not discuss what you like to do in bed or your erogenous zones. Find out if your partner wants to be dominated-e or dominant-e. Know whether or not you can go beyond conventional sexual behavior ( the "vanilla sex" ). If more couples came to talk openly about their innermost desires and fantasies, their privacy would be strengthened, not to mention the excitement and sexual tension felt! " - Moushumi Ghose
7. Sleep-e nu (at least occasionally).
"Sleeping naked-e to the side of your partner helps the skin to skin and allows your mutual experience even more excitement, increasing the chances of making love." - Laurel Steinberg
8. Do not be afraid to talk about sex
"Many couples have difficulty talking about positive and direct way sex. In therapy, I often have to teach them to talk about their sex life without this turns into shouting match. The discussion should be on a lighter tone, responding truthfully to questions about what they like or not. " - Angela Skurtu , sex therapist and marriage counselor in St. Louis (Missouri).
9. Stop to consider the penetration as an end in itself
"Comparing sex and food, the penetration is usually the dish that most serves, even if revenues are quite limited. Try to remove the card, but keep the orgasms, and see what you reserve this torrid Test menu. without penetration . manual and oral sex caresses, deep kissing and other friction " - Ian Kerner
10. Plan an appointment rascal
"The platonic marriage is one of the most common concerns of couples today. When they do see, they often stopped making love for years. As a sexologist, I meet all cases and I give almost all couples the same set: planning a romantic moment This commitment must however be required, because it is very easy to turn couples a weekly appointment rascal into something more conventional. and to ignore the sensual, tactile exchanges, and a good old game of legs in the air. to spice up her sex life and out of the routine, take the time to (re) discover for pleasure." - Patti Britton , sex coach and author of The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice .
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