These days, seeing an older woman on the arm of a younger man barely makes us look twice. In fact, the number of women dating toy boys is increasing so much, they've even got their own nickname: cougars - after the wild cat with the insatiable appetite for fresh young meat.
Sexually empowered, these women want passionate flings with gorgeous guys and, thanks to the wonders of Botox and surgery, there's nothing stopping them from snaring their prey.
Websites such as Gocougar.com, Textbacklinkexchanges.com, Toyboywarehouse.com and Yesmrsrobinson.com have sprung up to feed their hunger, encouraging members to "recapture some of your youth" and "explore new possibilities".
In the US, it's so commonplace that conventions are held around the country to matchmake women with men young enough to be their grandsons.
And now there's even a television show dedicated entirely to the subject.
Produced by and starring Courteney Cox, 45, Cougar Town has just started showing in the UK on Living. Courteney plays Jules Cobb, a recently divorced businesswoman and mother who decides to inject some fun into her life by dating younger men, dubbed 'cubs'.
But there is a darker side to this modern-day dating phenomenon. While these women may think they are the predator, often they can be the prey. Like gorgeous girls who seduce sugar daddies, some cubs can see their older girlfriend as nothing more than a meal ticket.
Last February, Michael Willis, 21, was jailed after seducing 41-year-old Alison Teasdale from Sunderland soon after she got a large divorce settlement, then stealing £35,000 worth of her jewellery. While 69-year-old heiress Tania Campbell, from Cheltenham, was left bankrupt after marrying toy boy Chad Johnson, 31, who then emptied her bank accounts of her £250,000 inheritance.
And it's no coincidence that STIs are on the rise among over-45s. The theory is that older women often don't consider using contraception because their risk of pregnancy is so low. And after decades of marriage, they are less aware of the risk of sexually transmitted infections.
But these drawbacks aren't enough to stop US-inspired cougar conventions springing up in the UK. Rita Sangha has organised several around the country. Rita, 40, enjoys dating younger men, and even had a fling with a 17 year old two years ago. She insists that dating toy boys makes older women feel "alive".
So what is the reality? We talk to two cougars, a reformed cub and send our intrepid reporter, Claudia Connell, 43, along to a UK cougar convention to see if she enjoys getting her talons into a toy boy.
Claudia says: "Purely in the spirit of investigative journalism (and not at all in the hope of catching a cub in my claws) I joined Rita for my first cougar party.
Sadly, we're not in Hollywood, we're in Harrow, north London. It's a cold, damp Friday night and I'm sitting in a small wine bar sandwiched between a Kentucky Fried Chicken and a 99p store. Eat your heart out, Demi Moore.
I usually mix with people my own age and, therefore, don't worry too much about what I wear, but as most of the guests are going to be decades younger than me, I don't want to stand out like Miss Marple at a rave, so I choose leggings, ridiculously high heels and a V-neck top. However, I know I'm not a true cougar when I find myself also packing a cardi 'just in case' and a pair of comfy flat shoes to drive in.
After half an hour of making polite conversation with the ladies, it quickly becomes apparent that there's one thing missing: cubs. It's no good me being a predatory cougar if there's nobody to pounce on.When I arrive, Rita is already there, along with her friend Michelle. We're all similarly dressed in tight-fitting black Lycra, and
I can't help thinking that we look a lot more Liz McDonald than Liv Tyler, or 'mutton dressed as lamb' as my gran would say.
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| Britain's Cougar Queen Rita hits it off |
Finally, an hour later, two scruffy-looking lads shuffle into the room. If any of the cougars are hoping for Zac Efron lookalikes, they are about to be bitterly disappointed. These two look, frankly, more high-school dropouts than High School Musical. Instead of being overcome with lust, I have an overwhelming urge to tell them to pull up their trousers and take off their woolly hats otherwise they won't feel the benefit when they go back outside.
One sidles up to me and introduces himself as Colin, a mobile-phone salesman, which is ironic as he definitely doesn't like to talk. "Why do you like older women?" I ask him.
"Dunno, just do, innit," he replies.
Perhaps I'll have more luck with his bored-looking friend, Avi, who says he's 21 and unemployed. When I tell him how old I am, he shouts: "No way! That's mental - you're four years older than my mum. I gotta take a picture of you on my phone."
I'm not exactly sure whether I should be flattered that he perhaps thought I was a lot younger or if he can't quite believe somebody of my age would be out at this time of night.
After two hours my feet are killing me, my control knickers are cutting off my circulation and all I can think about is putting on my PJs and having a nice cup of tea.
Another hour goes by and two more cubs appear, clearly having sunk a few pints for Dutch courage beforehand. I get chatting to a guy called Lava, who claims to be 25, but looks a lot younger. He's much more honest about the appeal of older women: "They've got money and I'm not lumbered with paying for everything like I would be with a 21 year old," he reveals. What a silver-tongued charmer. And they say that chivalry is dead.I get chatting to Michelle who is the same age as me and divorced with an 18-year-old daughter and a 20-year-old son. She recently had a fling with a 23 year old and says it was the best sex of her life. Michelle readily admits that, following a long marriage, she's only interested in some casual fun and that younger men make her forget her woes.
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| Claudia cosies up with a cub |
At midnight I decide that life on the prowl as a cougar is not for me. I put on my comfy shoes, wrap myself in my cardi, put some Michael Bublé on my car stereo and head home for a cuppa and bed. Bliss."
Sex and relationship therapist Simone Bienne says: "Women over 40 are looking better than ever, and are often financially independent too. If they're fed up with a lacklustre relationship with a man their own age, they know a younger man will have the energy - and the libido - to satisfy them.
But while being a cougar can be invigorating, it does have its disadvantages.
When the lust wears off there might not be much left on which to base a relationship. He might prefer playing his Xbox, while they fancy an evening at the theatre. And cougars may have that niggling doubt their partner will get bored and crave a younger model.
For a cougar/cub relationship to work, their personalities must complement each other. Cue the poster couple for the cougar age - Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher."
'My toy boy was just too needy'
Jeane Trend-Hill, 48, is a photographer and author from Langdon Hills, Essex.
"When I first started going out with James* a year after my divorce, I couldn't believe my luck. At 33, he was 10 years younger than me, tall, dark and gorgeous. I was secretly excited I'd bagged a toy boy.
We were both civil servants and met through work. Our life was a whirlwind of bars, parties and trips away. We had fun, he was complimentary about my looks, and liked the fact I had a lot of life experience.
I didn't notice the age gap at first, but as time passed, it became an issue. James was junior to me at work and never had much money, so I paid when we went out. I didn't mind initially, but then I began to feel as if I was looking out for a child, rather than having an equal, adult relationship.
James was also a mummy's boy. He'd visit her with his dirty washing and she still bought his underwear. While my friends went for walks or dinner with their partners, we watched football with his mates at the pub.
He would sulk if he felt I wasn't giving him enough attention and, to be honest, the sex wasn't even that good. So when our relationship fizzled out after 18 months, I felt relieved. And I was determined never to date a younger man again - it wasn't worth the hassle.
Six weeks after we split, I started seeing an old friend, Les, who's the same age as me. Compared to James, our relationship was very equal. We shared the same cultural reference points, liked the same TV shows and music.
This extra connection meant the sex was amazing too. We were just more in tune with each other and I didn't feel like I had to look after him.Les proposed in August 2005 and we married in March 2006.
Being with someone my age just feels right. We gel on so many levels. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I've been a cougar. But I'm much happier with a man who's my equal."
'My cougar girlfriends were too wild for me'
Matthew Jenks, 25, a delivery driver, lives in Bishop Stortford.
"I once complained to a friend that I found women my own age immature and sexually inexperienced, and he joked that I needed to find a worldly-wise divorcee.
It sounded like a good idea, so one night in September 2005, I approached an older-looking woman in a local bar. Gemma* was a 37-year-old insurance broker. She was brunette with gorgeous green eyes and a toned figure. We got chatting, the drink flowed, and before I knew it, we were back at my house having sex. I loved her confidence. She wasn't afraid of taking the lead in bed and the next morning, she didn't ask when she'd see me again. I found that really sexy.
Over the next few years, I enjoyed about 15 one-night stands with women in their late 30s and 40s. The oldest woman I've slept with was 46. When she told me her son was a year younger than me, I was shocked. I wasn't looking for a relationship and saw my flings as one-night stands.
But, in July 2007, I met Kelly*, then 37, in my local pub. As well as being good in bed, she had an energetic attitude to life and we really connected. It didn't even bother me that she had a 17-year-old daughter, and four months later, we decided to rent a flat together. My friends all joked about her age, but to my surprise my mum was supportive.
The cracks soon started to appear though. Kelly wasn't interested in going out with my mates - they're typical lads and she found them immature. She started quizzing me when I came back from weekends away with the boys and worried I'd leave her for someone younger. In May 2008, I ended the relationship. I was only 23 and wanted my freedom again.
Last December, I started seeing Lauren*, 20, a student. She looks up to me, and I like being in control. I'd started to feel emasculated by dating older women. I'm much happier now and glad my cougar phase is over."
'My cubs aren't using me - I'm using them'
Toni Byrne, 50, is a property developer and lives in north London. She is single and has a 20-year-old daughter, Sophia.
"I could be dating men my own age, but what's the point? I don't find them attractive - they're always moaning. Not like young guys, who are full of life.
Over the past seven years I've dated more than 15 men - the one thing they all had in common was that they were much, much younger than me.
In fact, they're probably more suited to dating my daughter, but I have fun with them - well, I have great sex with them!
I know some people might think that at 50 I should be knitting, but I don't feel old enough for that. I want fun, excitement, thrills and to feel adored. And that's what I get from younger guys.
I was married to my second husband, Paul*, 16 years my senior, when I first had sex with a 'cub'. Paul's idea of a good time was pottering around in his greenhouse. I had grown bored of him, so when Alex*, 22, the hot new trainee at my local hairdresser's, asked for my number, I agreed. The first time we had sex, I was so nervous, but it was amazing. It was heaven to be with a man who was toned, firm, and eager to please.
Did I feel guilty? No. I was enjoying myself too much. But Paul grew suspicious and confronted me. I admitted it and he demanded a divorce. Since then, I haven't looked back. I've had flings with about 15 'cubs'. I never worry I'm being used; I'm using them for sex, too! And I always practise safe sex - so what's the harm?
After two husbands, I'm happy on my own. I've got my own business, a house in London and a holiday home in Majorca - men are just an added bonus. I meet them on dating sites or in bars. They approach me and are normally stunned when they find out my age. I make an effort to look young though. I have Botox regularly and I work out.
My daughter, who lives abroad, doesn't know about my flings. Her boyfriend's 23 - my guys are about the same age. I'm not sure that she would approve. She wants me to meet a man my age and settle down. She'll be waiting a long time though. I love being a cougar and will carry on seeing younger men until they don't want me any more."
'Cougars are irresistible'
Kevin Short, 24, is a single, a shop fitter from Wolverhampton.
"In the past six months, I have made an amazing discovery - that sex with older women is amazing.
I'd only ever dated women my age before, but that all changed when I split from my last long term girlfriend.
I was ready for a bit of fun, so started going out every weekend, hitting the bars and clubs and having one nights stands with some girls my age.
But they always wanted more than just sex. And I didn't.
Then I met Karen* last November. Tall, blonde and with an amazing figure, she looked sophisticated and classy in a pair of tight black trousers and a cleavage hugging top.
As she chatted to me I figured she was in her mid-thirties, in fact she was 45. Divorced with no kids, she made it clear she wanted some fun.
She didn't just look good, she was funny, smart and unlike girls my age, she was interested in me, and what I had to say.
At the end of the night she asked me back to hers, I noticed she winked at her mates as we left, needless to say we went back to her swanky apartment and had amazing sex.
I found it a real turn on she was calling the shots. I enjoyed the best sex of my life. She was clearly comfortable with her body and knew exactly what she wanted. I liked being dominated in bed, and tried sexual positions I never before thought were possible.
We exchanged numbers the next morning but she made it clear we'd had a one night stand. Nothing more.
I admired her for that. And I wanted more of the same. I started going to upmarket bars in town and realised older women liked the look of me.
Last December, I had my second cougar experience, with Laura*. We started chatting in a bar and, although she was overweight, she had a pretty face and was clearly delighted when I flirted with her.
Making her feel sexy was a real buzz and I didn't think twice about asking her back to my flat at the end of the night.
Laura's body wasn't as good as Karen's, but she had the same irresistible spark. She was so uninhibited in bed, the sex was fantastic.
Next morning, out of interest I asked how old she was. I nearly spat out my tea when she told me she was 50 - nearly the same age as my mum, I didn't dare ask if she had any children - let alone grandchildren.
I've not told my mum about my older women, I think she'd be shocked and tell me to find someone my own age.
But I don't want to.
For now, I just want to date cougars. I'm in no hurry to settle down and to me, cougars are the sexiest women to share my time with.
In the past four months, I've had two more one-night stands with women in their forties. It's great no-strings sex and they're far more interesting and self-assured than women my own age.
My friends think I'm crazy for sleeping with older women. But they don't know what they're missing out on. I'd take a Mrs Robinson over a girl my own age any day."
The A-list pack: Celebrity cougars
Madonna, 51 Madge always loved fresh meat - toy boy ex-hubby Guy Ritchie included. She's currently dating model Jesus Luz, 23.
Kim Cattrall, 53 The Sex And The City star played man-eater Sam and in real life used to date chef Alan Wyse, 33.
Amanda Redman, 52 Cougar Amanda finally put away her claws after getting engaged to Damian Schnabel, 38, last month.
Demi Moore, 47 The actress is the best advert for age-gap love. And she and hubby Ashton Kutcher, 32, prove the lust can last.
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