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| Stephanie (left) and Amy just want to have some fun |
You'd never dream of surviving with just one pair of shoes. So why make do with one boyfriend?
Rising numbers of singletons are asking themselves the same question. Inspired by Sex And The City, they're channelling the New York trend for Manhattan dating and have different men for every single mood.
According to the dating website Mysinglefriend.com, 67 per cent of female members in their 20s and 30s are happy to multidate. It seems monogamy is so last season.
"Dating Manhattan-style is like having a closet full of shoes," says Cindy Lu, author of The Four Man Plan. "It means you've got the right ones for every occasion. Trying out different types of men - who might not be the kind you usually go for, in terms of physical appearance or personality - gives you the chance to browse what's new in store while you're 'shopping' for The One."
So, are men really the new Manolos? Two British Manhattan daters admit that while they're waiting for their Mr Big to sweep them off their feet, they're trying on a few different styles of men for fit along the way
'I'm just having fun'
Amy Barden, 28, is a project manager for a recruitment company. She lives in north London
"I moved to London from Norwich six years ago for work and I split up with my boyfriend, Dave*, two years ago. We'd been together for 18 months, but things hadn't been right between us for a while. He moved to London to be with me, but it didn't work out.
One of my friends told me she was seeing three guys at the same time. She loved the fact that they were all different, and that she didn't get too attached to any one in particular - she was just having fun. After being tied down for so long, it sounded like just what I needed. And it was.
Most guys are fine with it
I've dated up to four guys at once ever since. I'm up front about the fact I don't want to be exclusive. Most are fine with it, but they don't want the gory details. At the moment I'm only sleeping with two of them. The other two? We haven't got to that stage yet.
It might sound complicated - and I do have to try to make sure I don't go out to the same places in case I bump into my other dates by mistake - but I only see one a week and I like them all for different reasons. I'm only young, and until I settle down for good, I want to have fun!"
Amy's men
Mr Sensitive - Stuart Yelland, 26, a project manager
"Stuart and I met a year ago at an all-day job interview. He's almost embarrassingly good-looking and just my type - tall, dark and really smart. We hit it off and when we were both hired by the company, we supported each other through the awkward first few months when you don't know
anyone's name or where the kettle is. When everyone went for after-work drinks, we'd always pair off. He totally understood if I was having a bad day, needed a moan or some advice. Stuart left the company for a job in the City two weeks ago and we've kept seeing each other. He just 'gets' me and is always able to make me laugh.
We've never slept together but we have kissed, and now that we don't work in the same office who knows what might happen. We're very open about seeing other people, so there's no jealousy. I do miss certain parts of a committed relationship, like snuggling on the sofa together on a Sunday, but I'm happy with the way things are right now."
STUART SAYS: "Amy's a fun date and I enjoy her company. We have quite a lot in common and she's really easy to get along with. We've both been single for a while, and with our busy schedules it's hard to get into anything too serious.
I can understand why more and more women might start dating like this rather than settling down too early. Men have been doing it for years anyway! As long as you go into dating with your eyes open there are a lot of interesting people to meet. I hope to carry on seeing Amy."
Sergeant Hot Sex, 32, an army officer
"We met two years ago. I was on a night out in Lancaster and got chatting to him in a bar. Because he's in the Army, he's away for months at a time in places like Iraq or Afghanistan.
He's not strictly my type - he's only 5ft 10in and fair with blue eyes, whereas I normally go for dark hair - but I do find him attractive. He's got a great body and the sex is amazing. Because of his job, and the fact that he's lost friends in war zones, he's spontaneous, happily jumping on a train and booking a hotel for us, and he often turns up when we've not made plans. I love that unpredictability. When we first met, I did get a bit attached. When he left the UK for a tour of duty abroad, I'd watch the news just in case his name was mentioned.
I realised I couldn't deal with that, and seeing other men helped me rein in my feelings. We're best when we see each other casually. He's away so much it would be hard to have a relationship, but I like the excitement he adds to my life."
Mr Charming, 28, an insurance underwriter
"Some might say it was fate! I met my Italian stallion randomly in a pub near my office about two months ago. He bumped into me, and, after he apologised, we started flirting. He told me I had lovely eyes and that he'd love to take me for dinner. I loved that he was so up front. There was no game playing.
On our first date, he told me how much he loves women, so I imagine I'm not the only girl he's seeing. But I like his honesty. He's my newest man, so I've only seen him a couple of times. But he always whisks me off to nice bars for drinks and then out for dinner.
He makes me feel very feminine, taking my coat when I sit down and holding doors open. It's nice to be treated like a lady. We've kissed a lot, but not slept together yet. Let's just say I could be tempted"
The Jack the Lad, 28, an electrician
"If there was any of the four I could see myself falling for, it's him! But if I hadn't been Manhattan dating I'd never have looked at him twice - he's not my usual type. He's a geezer, and loves his footie and pints.
We met three months ago through a friend and I wasn't attracted to him at first. But he won me over - he's funny, flattering and sweet. We slept together six weeks later and there's a really strong chemistry between us now. I see him once a week. Plus he's handy to have around if there are odd jobs that need doing at home! He's rewired the odd plug and sorted out fuses.
I'm not sure if he's seeing other people. He says he doesn't want to know if I am, so we don't discuss it. As for our future together - only time will tell."
'I WON'T SETTLE DOWN UNTIL I MEET MY MR BIG'
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| The Manhattan dating style suits Stephanie |
Stephanie Büscher, 24, from Brighton, East Sussex, works in retail and has been Manhattan dating for the past three years "Whenever I meet a nice guy, I explain to them straightaway that I don't date exclusively. It's best to be clear from the start so they can decide whether they want to get involved or not.
It's not all about sex. I'm not like Samantha
I'd like to settle down one day, but I won't be with the wrong man for the sake of it. Manhattan dating means that I get to meet lots of guys and work out exactly what I want from The One. It's not all about sex. I'm not like Samantha Jones from SATC!
Dating can be really fun. If you like someone, but don't love them, why not keep each other company until your Mr Big comes along?"
Stephanie's men
Mr Romance - Max Muskett, 21, a sound engineer
"Max is good-looking, sexy and easy to be around. We met at a party last September. I told him I was a serial dater and he was happy to join in. He likes going on long walks on the Sussex Downs and treats me to picnics and trips to the cinema.
When I feel lonely or want company, I'll stay over at his. We're honest with each other and the sex is great because of that. He knows I see a few other guys, but I have no idea if he's dating other girls. As long as we take precautions when we have sex, which we always do, we're both happy with our relationship. I'm not in love with him and I could never settle down with him. But for now, he's perfect for me."
MAX SAYS: "My last relationship was really drawn-out and pretty uncomfortable at the end, so being with Stef makes a nice change to all that complicated emotional baggage. Stef's after a good time, I'm after a good time. We have fun, then go home - it's simple, and there's no need to complicate it. The 'arrangement' suits me just fine."
Mr Loudmouth, 26, a government worker
"He's not the kind of guy I'd settle down with in a million years, he loves the sound of his own voice too much. But he keeps me on my toes and that's why I like him.
We met at the Science Museum in London about three years ago. A professor was giving a speech at a science and gender conference and he asked a really interesting question. We started talking afterwards and swapped numbers. Now he keeps me endlessly amused with his flurry of text messages. Whenever I go on my break at work, there's always another one waiting to be read.
We only meet up every couple of months, and it's never really planned. I love that kind of spontaneity. Opinionated and arrogant, he's always got plenty of views that we inevitably end up debating over dinner when we meet.
Sex isn't on the cards though. When you've been talking about Government policies all night, it doesn't do much for your libido. That's not why I like him anyway. He stimulates my mind and anything other than that would probably ruin what we have going on at the moment."
The geek, 24, an IT worker
"Like me, this guy has a thing for trashy science-fiction movies. We got talking over a sci-fi exhibition at the Brighton Fringe Festival two years ago and it was like a meeting of minds. He's the perfect person to drag along to geeky films such as Star Trek that my girlfriends don't like. It works for us both and we can 'geek-out' on each other without feeling embarrassed.
He doesn't think we're exclusive and he enjoys the flirty hours we spend when we go to the movies, and that's it. There is no sex or kissing involved. He always remains the perfect gentleman, opening doors for me and paying for the popcorn."
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