Today, through her no-nonsense honesty and wonderful personality, Valerie Harper, 73 is still giving us that incredible gift of humor and meaning.
But wait: her situation today is no laughing matter.
Valerie, who lives in Santa Monica, California, has been recently diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and has been told by doctors that she has several months to live, a statement that would bring many to a state of despair and shock.
Yet, in her characteristic Rhoda style, (somehow we can’t separate her character from the actress), Valerie Harper approaches her situation with refreshing candor and deep wisdom borne of spirituality.
Forty years later, Valerie Harper has since acted in myriad television, film and theater roles. But it is her Rhoda character-- first in the Mary Tyler Moore show beginning in 1970, and eventually in her own spin-off show, Rhoda, which ran from 1974-1978 --that made her famous, earned her many Emmy and Golden Globe awards, and for which she is so well-known and loved.
Rhoda Show- Theme Song
To Get You in the Mood!
Memories
From the 1970's and beyond...
Hearing about her diagnosis, I just have to reminisce.
Mary and Rhoda were the two “normal” ones in the bunch of wacky characters (Murray, Phyllis, Betty, Lou…) that I could relate to. Universal and relatable themes of friendship, loyalty, vulnerability, self-deprecation, weight struggles, work relationships and the struggles of single-dom were explored in depth. The chemistry between all the actors sparkled on the television.
With a name like Morgenstern, Rhoda was obviously Jewish (which I am) and with her New York accent to boot, I could pretend that she was my own relative or neighbor not too far from my Brooklyn home.
I saw Rhoda as being the quintessential New Yorker: slightly rough-around-the-edges, a wise-cracking, tell-it-like-it-is person, similar to my own family. She was the upstairs neighbor and best girl friend to Mary Richards. Mary and Rhoda were perfect foils to each other, and BFF’s with Rhoda hailing from New York and Mary, the oh-so-refined, sweet, and gracious single living in Minneapolis. Rhoda’s and Mary’s lines were the type of humor just funny enough to get you to laugh out loud, but not so hard that you were robbed of deep insight that first class comedy offers.
"I, Rhoda," is Valerie Harper's recent memoir!..
Get the backstory of her life as an actress and talented individual
I, Rhoda
Valerie Harper was recently being interviewed on the Katie Couric Show and this is what she said,
"Mary was who you wished you would be; Rhoda was who you probably were; and Phyllis was someone you were afraid you'd become..."
This summarizes the appeal of the 3 characters played as some of the funniest and real characters ever to be on television. The book I, Rhoda is a candid account of the backstory of Valerie's life as an actress and comedienne. Incidentally, this book was released before the public knew about Valerie's illness.
I received this book last week after ordering it online and I couldn't put it down. Valerie details her childhood experiences, her myriad friendships, family life, marriage and professional life. Her humor, love, goodness and humility come through in her writing. It's a fantastic read and I highly recommend the book to any Rhoda or sit-com fan! Let's hear it for the Rhoda-Rooters (that's who Valerie dedicates her book to!).
I, Rhoda
Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted: And all the Brilliant Minds Who Made The Mary Tyler Moore Show a Classic
Brand new book by Jennifer Armstrong, a writer of pop culture. Armstrong explores the background history of the Mary Tyler Moore show and how the writers, directors and actors evolved to create a show that is legendary. Back stories such as how Valerie Harper got the role as Rhoda, the sidekick for Mary, and how Harper made her character shine. This book is for Mary Tyler Moore and Rhoda fans, situation comedy fans, and anyone who is interested in television history.
Honesty, Openness, and Wisdom
Simplicity and Class
When I watch Valerie on a you-tube video online, or when I read an article about her in the news, I am once again that teenager of forty years ago taking in the special Rhoda treat: her brutal honesty, open outlook and her wisdom.
Simplicity – which was the key genius of the Rhoda and MTM shows still remains her trademark. She has decided to go public with her insights, sharing her full diagnosis with the public since early March, only about six weeks after she was initially diagnosed in January.
And now, I note that in spite of the fact that real life tends to be more dramatic and stranger than the world inhabited by a fictional television character, we find minimal to no drama and convoluted thoughts from Valerie.
Hey, if you want drama, you ain’t getting it from Valerie Harper. No kidding.
Because Valerie Harper, born and raised in Suffern, New York, is not talking about herself. Nor is she telling stories or details about her illness.
Rhoda Shows on You Tube
Rhoda and Joe's wedding, and other great episodes
YouTube Video thumbnailYouTube Video thumbnailYouTube Video thumbnail
Values
One Day at a Time
This time she’s not staging any drama. Not the sad kind anyway.
Valerie is presenting a gift to us, her viewers, just as she did back when she visited us in our living rooms, dormitories, hotel lobbies and friends’ homes.
These days, while appearing on “Good Morning America,” “The Today Show,” “The Doctors,” “The Talk,” and others, Valerie shares her insights she has gleaned in the few months since she has been ill.
Valerie is no newcomer to cancer; she had lung cancer back in 2009 and fought the illness completely. Now, as a much more dire situation faces her, she appears somewhat indefatigable. Her brutally honest utterances today are ironically reminiscent of her adorable Rhoda character, making us wonder – hey, was that Valerie back then simply acting as herself?
Valerie must be reading our mind (didn’t Rhoda always seem to mirror what was going on in our own heads?), because she waves her hand and tells us,
“Don’t look backwards. Live in the moment.”
Photo Credit: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=21673&picture=wishing-you
Wise Lessons
From Rhoda (I mean Valerie)
cancer awareness
“Be in the present,” all while she motions gracefully with her hands (what is it about New Yorkers that we talk with our hands?) to help articulate her thoughts to the audience.
“Live today for today.”
And somehow, we believe her. We don’t think she is making it sound “too simple.”
You can’t not believe her because Rhoda, I mean Valerie - just tells it like it is.
That’s one of the things "Mare" and we all loved about Rhoda.
The show’s humor was nuanced, and the characters’ problems were relatable and not extreme. Everything was ever so subtly conveyed, which made for very engaging comedy.
Rhoda and Mary
BFF's Forever
BFF forever
Rhoda joked intermittently about her weight issues and being the perpetual cottage cheese dieter (although she didn’t really look heavy, to be perfectly honest), had a somewhat nerdy but sweet sister, Brenda, and had to deal with the on-and-off nagging mother, Ida. Who doesn’t?
Rhoda was blunt and had a harsher tone than Mary, but somehow she never seemed to offend.
I’m thinking about her comment this month– “live today for today.”
And suddenly, I am back in our Brooklyn home, watching a weekly episode of Rhoda. Nothing else mattered. Not the test we had the next day, and not the homework that was due. The phone rang unanswered (way before caller ID), and all the cares in our adolescent world were forgotten, because “Ma, Daddy, Rhoda is on!” I loved each episode of the two friends trying to make a living, have their little squabbles, share in each others’ happy occasions and console each other when things went wrong.
Nagging Mother, Weight Struggles...
Oh How We Related....
Weight Struggles
Rhoda joked intermittently about her weight issues and being the perpetual cottage cheese dieter (although she didn’t really look heavy, to be perfectly honest), had a somewhat nerdy but sweet sister, Brenda, and had to deal with the on-and-off nagging mother, Ida. Who doesn’t?
Rhoda was blunt and had a harsher tone than Mary, but somehow she never seemed to offend.
I’m thinking about her comment this month– “live today for today.”
And suddenly, I am back in our Brooklyn home, watching a weekly episode of Rhoda. Nothing else mattered. Not the test we had the next day, and not the homework that was due. The phone rang unanswered (way before caller ID), and all the cares in our adolescent world were forgotten, because “Ma, Daddy, Rhoda is on!” I loved each episode of the two friends trying to make a living, have their little squabbles, share in each others’ happy occasions and console each other when things went wrong.
When the Rhoda writers (James L. Brooks et al) wrote her out of the MTM scripts because she “moved” to NY, we followed Rhoda and watched her faithfully on her own show.
When she got married to Joe, we put that on our calendars to be there. When Mary came to visit her in NY as a surprise guest appearance of Moore on Rhoda’s own show, we laughed at how Rhoda kept the truth of her imminent vacation with her husband from Mary because she didn’t want to make Mary feel badly that she came unannounced.
We lived in the present, and enjoyed that moment.
Then when the last of the episodes was aired, we were there along with the rest of the millions of viewers, sad that the show had to end but knowing we’d always have good memories.
(Some of us even watched the television special in the early 2000’s in which all the original cast of Mary Tyler Moore characters appeared on a reunion).
On one of the shows that she has appeared recently, the host expresses in admiration how Valerie can be so comfortable going public and announcing her illness to the world.
I waited till after my show “Looped” was finished, because I didn’t want audiences worrying about poor Rhoda while watching me onstage. But now I wanted to announce it when it would make an impact. I thought – maybe we can advance cancer research through public knowledge and awareness of this type of cancer.
Blessings To Valerie
Thanks for the Gifts - then and now...
Good Friends
“Look,” Valerie says to the audience, referring to her fear of the pain that she will have imminently as her disease progresses, “When you feel any pain, or fear, experience it.” She circles her hands as if to show how she “gives the feeling the space” and moves through it.
The subject comes up of the myriad letters and messages from fans and friends expressing their best wishes to her.
Her answer? (and I loosely paraphrase) “I am so touched by all the mail I have received. I think to myself, now if I were already dead, we’d be having a memorial! This way, we can at least enjoy all the sharing of messages from others….
Are you crying? Don’t. Valerie says no! Read on.
“I have had such a wonderful life…full of blessings. My husband is the greatest and we’ve been married 34 years. I am so grateful.”
Listen folks, you gotta take in Valerie Harper’s wisdom. This is no joke. This is for real ladies and gentlemen.
She is filled with pragmatism and optimism.
Another Harperism: “Don’t have the funeral before the day of the funeral. Wait till that day - yours, ours, or mine – to cry.”
The doctors have told her that her particular illness is very rare and difficult to treat. She’s not one to be in denial, so she’s praying that she can hold out one day at a time, enjoy each day to the fullest, laugh, have fun and continue to give joy to the world around her.
At the very least, she’s hoping that she can prolong her time with chemotherapy. She’s giving herself a fighting chance.
From one New Yorker to another: Valerie: Thank you for so many gifts- then and now. Thanks for the treat and the wonder of laughter. Thanks for the insight about friendship and life.
Thanks for your refreshing and honest approach to death. You are correct: we are all on our way to death, and we’re not dead till we’re dead.
You brought so much joy to so many people, and you continue to do so through your own example.
Blessings to Valerie who is still here with us and we are grateful for today.
Rhoda, ya said it well!
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