WHEN celebrity maneater Alicia Douvall

TOBY WAS A
DIRTY DOUVALL
Alicia: He was actually
salivating...he reminded
me of my doggie Gucci
before he has his din-dins

WHEN celebrity maneater Alicia Douvall aimed both barrels of her 32GG cleavage at kids' TV star Toby Anstis this week there was only one question: Would he ever climb out of there alive?

Even as the pair disappeared into the night, the smart money said the News of the World would have the full story by Sunday.

And sure enough, the bed was still warm on Toby's side when Alicia adjusted her centre of gravity and called us for a long chat.

"Toby was itchier for sex than the itchiest man in Itchyland on National Itchy Day," she said. "He was great in bed and I'm going to enjoy myself with him again and again.

"I was wearing this skintight black dress and we hadn't been in his flat very long when my boobs just popped out of the top. Well, it would have been rude to put them away again so I let him carry on playing while I stripped down to my panties.

"By now Toby was actually salivating, bless him. He reminded me of my doggie Gucci before he has his din-dins.

"Then he stripped too — Toby I mean — and we went to the bedroom."

Horsebox

Alicia is the first to accept she's been about a bit. "Actually it's a good job I don't actually put notches on my bedpost," she laughed. "You'd be able to line a horsebox with all the chipboard flakes on my bedroom carpet."

Alicia, the 24-year-old star of ITV1's Girls Behaving Badly, slept with Toby, 33, after the premiere of Jack Nicholson's new film About Schmidt on Wednesday.

Heart FM radio DJ Toby, who made his name as a kids' presenter on CBBC, was a gonner from the word go. Alicia was already drawing on her experiences with (big breaths, please) Dwight Yorke, Simon Cowell, Dean Gaffney, Dane Bowers, Fabien Barthez, Puff Daddy, Mick Hucknall, Shaggy, Gary Beadle and Chelsea's Celestine Babayaro.

She said helpfully: "I follow a five-point plan."

STEP ONE: The Pout. "Your priority is the venue," said Alicia, happily on her specialist subject. "You're never going to pull a star down the Dog And Duck. I have four favourite venues in London: Attica, Teatro, China White and a new place called Click.

"I either play it shy and submissive (not often), or tell them what I want. Even before we slept together on Wednesday I first met Toby at Teatro about a week ago. I made out I wasn't trying to pull him, the shy approach. He thought, ‘If she's not going to pull me, I'll pull her'."

STEP TWO: Seduction. Alicia, always rhythmic, went on: "I have a little rhyme I repeat to myself: ‘Now you've got their attention, you've got to work to bed 'em'.

"Moet & Chandon champagne plays an important part. It's vital they guzzle as much as possible so their defences are down.

"I've occasionally had some problems here. Celestine Babayaro is a devout Muslim and wouldn't touch a drop. Still, he fancied me anyway and eventually I got him to smear me with chocolate and lick it off."

STEP THREE: String it out. "I've never bedded a guy on the first night," Alicia insisted, adding the immortal line: "Guys hate a girl who's easy."

She went on: "You can imagine how difficult this strategy was with Mick Hucknall. He's doesn't like being kept waiting — which is funny because with Mick it's all over very quickly. Put it this way, I love Coronation Street-and we once managed it in the ad break. I didn't miss a second of part two."

STEP FOUR: At last, the sex. "If you're with a minger—we're talking Dean Gaffney or Gary Beadle—there's only one thing for it: start suggesting a threesome," said Alicia. "Guys love the idea of sex with two girls...and at least that way there's someone pretty to look at when you're with them.

"I admit that when I met Toby again this week I got ‘Step Two' a bit wrong. I got drunk as well and we were pictured falling over in the taxi to his place in Hammersmith.

"When we went into the bedroom I walked in front of him so he could get a good look at my botty. He was patting it gently.

"Toby has the looks of a little choirboy, but he's a devil in bed, even naughtier than me. But first there were lots of kisses and cuddles which was a bit uncomfortable because Toby hadn't shaved."

And nailing lies about camp-sounding Toby being effeminate, Alicia added: "Believe me, he's all man. The sex itself was lovely — and he's got a lot more staying power than Mick Hucknall.

Garlic

"I think he could last for three full episodes of Corrie. But I didn't stay the night. I left him wanting more." Which brings us to...

Step Five: Keep him or dump him? "No one likes to dump a guy but sometimes it just has to be done," Alicia continued. "Take Dean Gaffney—he bad-mouthed me all over London after I'd let him down gently. I was furious and exposed him for the spotty little brat he is.

"But for every celebrity I've talked about, there are a dozen I've kept secret—including one who's probably one of the top footballers in the world at present. And he plays in the Premiership. I'll let you guess who he is-but he did have a Latin whiff of garlic on his breath!

"So do I dump Toby? On this performance, no. I've got him hooked now. I'm going to enjoy myself."