"Dude! You're not drowning!" The words were spaced out the way one talks to a hysterical child - each syllable having its own individual enunciation. A blurry figure came into view.
"God?" The misty figure groaned. Vomit again rose from his stomach. God promptly told Elijah if he puked on the carpet, he would be killed. "You're sketching - that's it. We're in my house. I swear if you OD, I'm gonna leave you here to die." His tongue felt thick. He opened and closed his mouth a few times to moisten it.
"Devin?" Eli croaked.
"No, God, remember?" Devin's joshing smile crashed when he saw Eli believed him - he had knelt and was singing praises. "Shut up, man." Eli was silent. "It's Devin - your friend since fourth grade..? Look, the first girl you slept with was Rachel Loche. You've got a mole between your shoulders and a scar on your ass from where you got caught under the fence that time we stole a bottle of vodka from your step-dad. Convinced?" Eli squinted until Devin's features blurred into something familiar. "You're not dying. You're not drowning. There's no water in your lungs and you don't need to puke. We dropped acid - nothing else. We're in the middle of the desert; there's not an ocean for miles." Elijah stared blankly.
"Eli, you have to tell me what else you took. Did you drink anything? Smoke anything? Tell me so I'll know if you'll be okay. Look at me. What - did - you - take?" The words were hard and deliberate.
"Nothing," he said. Devin stared down at him as he passed out on the floor.
Having been an avid drinker and drug user since age thirteen, Elijah was used to all types of hangovers; yet never in his life had he experienced one as intense or mind numbing as what he stumbled through the next day. Days like these made Elijah outrageously thankful for his career choice - journalism. He often expounded upon revelations he had while tripping, and the visions of the night before were especially intriguing.
Having seen Elijah stumbling about, his colleagues knew the prudent thing to do was to keep their distance. Because he had been glued to his computer, Eli took his first break at one that afternoon. He had been so consumed with his research that the hours had slid through his fingers. Sprawled on the break room table, Eli was roused from his half-dreaming state by the clearing of a feminine throat. Always eager for attention from the fairer sex, his head snapped up. Polly Ostention lounged across the table from him with a bemused look. "That's why I don't drink," she said without preamble.
"I wasn't drinking," Eli mumbled. Polly arched an elegant eyebrow at him and said she didn't see the point of anything that left a person that sick. Elijah tried to reply, but his body chose that moment to reject the coffee that was making its way down his throat. Polly found this outrageously amusing, but condescended to give him a few swift slaps on the back. After a few moments Eli gasped his thanks, and said, "I found something interesting today." Polly didn't give him the satisfaction of an answer; instead, raised both eyebrows in a "go ahead, shock me" gesture.
Eli fidgeted nervously under her scrutiny. "A few years back, independent astronomers reported a sudden change in the placement of stars. They said even the moon was, like, a sixty-fifth of a degree off on its placement." He could tell his audience was bordering on laughter, so he hurried on. "It was universal; every non-government- sponsored telescope in the world got the same readings. That's almost unheard of, and the fact governments with space programs didn't mention it even once made it even stranger. I'm not sure what this is, but I know it's gonna be huge! Whadaya think?"
Polly stared at him, apparently trying to determine if he was a raving druggie, or if he was actually on to something. "All right," she finally breathed. "I'll give you the okay. You have one week to gather as much info as possible, then I want a report. If don't think it's any good, I'm trashing it, understand?" Elijah was dumbstruck, but managed something sufficing for a yes. Polly laughed at him, and, satisfied he would bring her no more pleasure, stood up and swished off to find someone else to patronize.
An e-mail to Dr. Euclid Jusuped
2:16PM
Dr. Jusuped:
My name is Elijah Vamp, Investigative Reporter for the LA Times. I have recently become interested in your findings concerning events that transpired on August 14, 1996. Your calculations are the inspiration for an article I am researching about the sudden movement of the stars. Your participation in an interview would be most helpful.
Sincerely,
Elijah Vamp
4:42 PM
Mr. Vamp:
I woulb be delighted to take pat in you're investigation. I have reservd a plain ticket in yur name for tommorrow morning. The flight number is 8653564; you will de [art at 4:46 AM. I look forwarf to meetign you.
Euclid
"Let me get this straight: you're flying halfway across the country to visit some quack who can't spell 'your'?" Polly was in a rage, and Elijah was the target.
"You're not payn' for it, Polly." Eli knew the moment the words left his mouth he had said the wrong thing. Polly's eyes widened, and her manicured eyebrows raised to amazing new heights.
"Get out!" she bellowed. "Go on your trip then! You'd better have one hell of a story when you get back here or don't bother!" At that moment, Eli started laughing. He tried to stifle it, but he had imagined Polly's face splitting open and fire coming out of the crevice. Later, while nursing the lump on his head from where the stapler hit him, Eli decided he had made a bad career choice.
In a van marked "Eddie's Bagels" outside the Times headquarters, a man in headphones cracked a smile. His partner, also in headphones, gave him a stern look, but decided to let it slide. "I wonder what she threw," the first man said amiably. The second only scowled and turned up the volume.
The flight was a disaster. The hangover was complete. The food - poisonous. Two of the three hours on the plane had been spent crawling back and forth to the bathroom where the contents of his stomach emptied itself several times. Heightened security had prevented him from risking bringing drugs on the plane, and regret settled into his belly along with the Pepto-Bismol the flight attendant had offered.
"Meesta Vamp?" Elijah, who was draped across several uncomfortable seats in the airport lobby, made no more response than rolling his eyes toward the voice. "I see the flight deedn't seet vell vith you. Please come vith me, ve have quvite a drive aheed of us." Elijah said only fourteen words over the two hours it took to drive into the mountains where Dr. Jusuped's house and telescope were located, and the astronomer obliged Eli with the silence he was desperate for.
Once they were both safely situated in lumpy overstuffed chairs, Eli felt it was time to begin the interview. "Dr. Jusuped -"
"Euclid, please," the doctor broke in.
"Alright, Euclid. Let's start with the night of August thirteenth. You've been studying the stars for years." The aging doctor smiled nostalgically.
"Young man, I was granted entry here in 1994, but everysing vas planned far before that date, I vas just a part of ze puzzle."
"What do you mean sir?" Eli's journalistic instinct could be felt over the complaints of his aching stomach, and he leaned forward in anticipation.
"Vat about ze night of ze thirteenth?"
Eli smiled a bit and reclined into the uncomfortable chair, "Yes, the thirteenth. All your readings were accurate? Nothing out of the ordinary?" Euclid shook his head.
"Elijah, I have checked and vechecked my veadings. Ze stars vere in place, ze moon vas in place, everysing vas vere eet should have been. I made no meestake."
"I understand." Eli closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, "so, the next night, what happened?"
"I veent to my telescope at avound sex and looked up at ze stars. Zey vere all deeferent." As he spoke, each word was deliberate. He stared into Elijah's eyes, trying to impress these facts on him. "Ze moon was in a deeferent phase, a slight change, but a change. I deedn't sleep zat night, or all zat day. I stared into ze sky even as ze sun shone. From vhat I vas able to tell, eet vas in a slightly deeferent place. I'm sure you're not eenterested in measurements, but ze difference vas almost a quvarter degree off. I know eet doesn't sound like much, but eet ees. I cannot impress that strongly enough upon you - eet ees very important."
At this point, Elijah excused himself to the restroom where he once again relieved his stomach of its contents. When he looked into the toilet bowl, it was pink with the Pepto-Bismol, and he vomited again. He returned shaky, but relieved, ready to continue his interview. Apologizing profusely, he began. "Now doctor, you compared these readings with others in your field?" Euclid nodded. "Had they all found results similar to yours?"
For the first time the doctor was extremely animated. "Oh yes! Ve all had ze same readings! Eet vas remarkable. Never do readings agree quvite as vell as they deed on that subject."
"What happened when you petitioned NASA?"
"Oh, Elijah, they refuted our claims outright! Eet vas awful. Zey showed us ze readings taken from ze night of ze fourteenth. Nothing had change?! Zey said eet vas cruel and eeresponsible to play such tricks, and zat vas eet! Zey dismissed us totally."
Elijah popped his neck meditatively and shuddered as a burst of acid flowed through his veins. He had once set out to ask his doctor if drugs really were released into the bloodstream when the neck was popped, but lost his nerve. He figured it was just a placebo, but a placebo he enjoyed immensely - popping his neck was his trademark. "Why do you think they would lie to you? Do you think there's a conspiracy? That the stars are fake?" Eli was only half joking.
Euclid's smile dropped at the last question. "Vhy deed you come here? Vhat made you ask me these things?"
Elijah was taken aback by his companion's violent response. "I - I had a dream. There was a zipper in the sky. I..." he hesitated, "I always get my hunches from dreams. Detectives used to do it in Industrial Revolution England; it's just my thing. I didn't mean to offend you. I just thought -"
"You'd better be going now." The doctor looked considerably older than when they had first met. "Yes, I think eet ees time for you to leave. Ve vouldn't vant you missing your flight, vould ve?"
"No, we wouldn't," Eli said, popping his neck again.
Elijah arrived three hours before his flight was due to leave; so he curled up on the benches he had lain on before and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. "Mr. Vamp." The words were foggy and far away. "Mr. Vamp." This time, the tone caused him to crack an eyelid.
"What?" he croaked.
"I need you to come with us." The "us" was sufficient to make him open both eyes, as well as sit up. Three men in suits stood before him. "Now, please." Still half-asleep, Eli followed the three men out the door and into the sunshine.
Elijah's flight took off at 5:12. At that time, he was sitting in a silver box of a room, pleading the fifth. "Mr. Vamp, you don't seem to understand what's going on. The Fifth Amendment doesn't apply under these circumstances. You will tell us what we want. It is simply our preference to have you say it voluntarily." Elijah turned his head to pop his neck in a muleish show of disobedience. "You're right." Eli looked up questioningly at the man seated across the table. "It is a placebo. Popping your neck won't release drugs into your system." Elijah stared openmouthed.
"How-?"
The man picked up a piece of paper and read from it, "'Dr. Jusuped: My name is Elijah Vamp, Investigative Reporter for the LA Times. I have recently become interested in your findings...' etc., etc." He folded the paper and put it in his pocket. "Did you notice the man next to you on your flight? Flight 8653564, was it? A rather cordial man, wasn't he?" He smiled. "Travis, would you come in here for a moment?" Elijah gasped as his seatmate from the plane ambled into the room.
"Hey Eli, how's it goin'?" Eli struggled for breath.
"You sent that e-mail, we began watching you. We already know everything you know - Dr. Jusuped's house was bugged. What we want to know is, where did you really get this idea? You understand the importance of this, don't you?" The man put on a big, fake smile with not even enough warmth to melt butter.
"It's true, then?" The smile fell. "What I thought, something about the sky? I'm right?"
This hadn't been the response the man wanted. "Whether you are or not isn't the issue here. The issue is: where did you obtain your information?" His voice had gone hard, and Elijah burst out laughing.
"I'm a druggie. I drop acid, see shit and then write about it. I assume you've never dropped..." His response was to look indignant. "Tell me what I'm looking for. Give me answers, or give me my phone call."
The man stood up and walked to the other side of the small room. He poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher on the table in the corner and drank deep. He began again just as the silence was making Elijah uncomfortable. "Do you realize how much of a miracle it was that we landed on the moon? The exact percentage escapes me, but I believe the projected success rate was something like 0.00000017%. Those are some hard odds, wouldn't you say?" Elijah had retreated back into his Fifth Amendment stance, so he said nothing. "Would you like the truth? I'm sure you would. I am also sure, however, once you find the truth, you will wish it away with all your might.
"The US government is not as open with its policies as it may seem. We've had nuclear capabilities, for example, since 1897. Just an example. "Elijah's eyes widened considerably. "Let's see, what else is there...Were you aware that we'd been in a war with the Russians for the moon since 1969? They've also had nuclear capabilities for quite some time. Just a free fact." The man smirked at Eli's frightened expression; he desperately did not want to hear what was about to be said. "In 1971, the first missiles were fired, but both the US and Russia agreed that the war would be completely cosmic; that is, not a soul on earth would be intentionally harmed. Congress declared war and everything; it lasted until rather recently. The exact date eludes me. Perhaps you remember?" As his voice trailed off, there was malice in his eyes. Elijah swallowed hard and opened his mouth to respond, but he couldn't find the words.
"Let me see, sometime during the summer. August perhaps? Yes, I believe it was August. The fourteenth, I think. Does that date ring any bells with you?" Suddenly the world was swimming. Eli was desperate to ask what they had done, but he feared the answer more than he feared retribution. "No one's really sure who detonated the fatal bomb. It doesn't matter. Everything was destroyed. The sun, the moon, the stars, everything. It was all gone; so completely obliterated that not even a single meteor struck earth. We came up with the cover on the fly, but it had been in testing, so nothing was really lost. Is that what you wanted to know?" Elijah only stared. "Would you like to see it?" He shook his head violently. The man smiled. "I'm sure you would. Everyone that hears about it does. I'm sure you'd like to know how we make the sun shine, even burn, wouldn't you? There will be time. There's always time."
Silently, Elijah began to weep. He popped his neck viciously, and for the first time, felt nothing in response.
THE END
Lindsay Lukens is a 16-year-old senior at Hebron Christian Academy who hopes to be a psychologist.
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