Sex swap man changing back again

I'm not cut out to be a woman

By Matthew Acton

SEX swapper Paul Rowe decided he'd made a huge MISS-take when he changed into a woman.

So after spending £17,000 on seven ops to be transformed from Paul to Paula, he's turning BACKinto a man again.

And that means more painful surgery to ditch his boobs and possibly have his male genitals rebuilt.

But Paul reckons it will be worth it to lose that ‘a' on the end of his name.

"I thought I was a man trapped in a woman's body," says the 53-year-old photographer, who has been female for ten years.

"After the operation I felt good—but the euphoria soon wore off and I realised I'd made a dreadful mistake.

"Now I'm hoping to have a mastectomy soon and other surgery. But whatever happens I don't think I'll ever feel like a man again."

Paul's tribulations began as a boy. He always felt different from his five brothers. "I'd try on my mum's nightie when she went to the shops," he says.

"I knew it wasn't what a boy should be doing."

By 14 confused Paul was on anti-depressants and at 20 he was secretly cross-dressing— but in straight clothes he had no difficulty pulling the girls.

His first marriage lasted 10 years. "She was blonde and beautiful—every man's dream.

"She knew all about my cross-dressing and was OK about it—but we drifted apart and divorced," says Paul, of Harrow, north-west London.

He married AGAIN—despite still dressing up as a woman to cope with his depression. "I'd never fancied men, but I felt so much more comfortable as a woman," says Paul.

"I felt that I could banish all the pain with tight Lycra tops, a smear of lipstick and a pair of heels."

But then his mother died, he had a nervous breakdown and his second wife left him. Paul decided to change his life—and his gender—completely.

"A gender psychiatrist set me up with a course of hormones and within a few months I started to notice changes—it was like a religious experience," says Paul.

Heartache

"My skin got smoother and I started to develop breasts.

"In my mind I thought that if I became a woman, I would be able to rid myself of all the heartache my male self had encountered.

"I changed my name to Paula through deed poll, even gave myself a middle name of Joanne." Paul then sold his house to help pay for a series of ops.

He spent £3,500 to have his Adam's apple reduced, £2,000 to have his vocal cords tightened (to make his voice higher) and £2,500 for electrolysis to remove facial hair.

He splashed out a further £3,000 to create a more feminine jawline. Then came the full sex change operation at £5,500.

Paul says: "It felt wonderful at first—like I'd been given another chance at life."

After the op, the new Paula moved into a flat and met a man called Peter.

"Peter knew all about my sex change and he didn't care, although I wasn't physically attracted to him I felt comfortable, and soon we fell in love."

But a year after they moved to London, Peter died suddenly. Paula's depression kicked in and she began to get worrying feelings that she had made the wrong decision to change sex.

"I started to panic. I realised my gender change had all happened so fast. The doctors hadn't checked my background, questioned my years of depression.

"Slowly it all slotted into place, like a cruel jigsaw puzzle, but I'd never be able to put the pieces back together again.

"I knew I hadn't wanted to be a woman I'd just wanted to feel happy. To have confidence, to have a life."

Warn

Now Paul has stopped dressing as a woman. He says: "I wear baggy trousers and T-shirts. I don't like shopping because I never know which changing room to go in to.

"Some people think I'm a man, some that I'm a woman."

Now Paul wants to warn anyone thinking of having a sex swap to think hard about what they are doing.

"I thought I was making myself into a beautiful woman, but I was just sowing more seeds of pain," he says.

"Now even I don't know what I am any more."