Three tacky deals, one coy bride and an old style romantic wedding

Three tacky deals, one coy bride and an old style romantic wedding

THE NEWLYWADS

By Nadia Cohen

FORGET "for richer or for poorer" Jordan and Peter Andre pocketed a stash of holy matri MONEY when they tied the knot at the weekend. 

The newlyweds were quids in after their fairy princess wedding, thanks to a £400,000 megadeal with OK! magazine.

Minus the £250,000 cost of the tacky bash, that leaves them with a tidy £150,000 profit.

However, no expense was spared to make the glamour girl's dream day come true.

With the bride arriving in a horse-drawn Cinderella carriage, confetti cannons bursting over the guests, a bubble machine and a Willy Wonka-style chocolate fountain, the only thing the day lacked was taste.

Jordan wore a strapless pink dress covered in fake diamonds with a 25ft long, 8ft wide train for her marriage to I'm A Celebrity star Peter, who was dressed all in white with a sparkly silver waistcoat.

And with the walls of Highclere Castle in Berks also painted pink, it looked more like an explosion in a candyfloss factory.

There was even a gaudy pink flag flying which was embroidered with the initials KP for Katie and Peter.

Blubbing

Guests arriving for the ceremony had been ordered NOT to bring cameras—and they must have been relieved.

Strong stomachs were needed to cope with the barrage of pink everywhere.

The wedding eventually kicked off at 5pm—an hour late. But before Jordan, 27, and Peter, 32, could exchange vows they had to sit through some cringe-making songs by X Factor flop Rowetta. But their few famous guests seemed to lap it up. Among them were former Brookside babe Jennifer Ellison, Vanessa Feltz, Kerry Katona, who starred with the pair in I'm A Celebrity, EastEnder Dean Gaffney and Gazza, whose plus-one turned out to be boozy pal Jimmy ‘Five Bellies' Gardner.

"I hardly know the lass," said Gazza, with glass in hand, "but it'll be a laugh."

Bridesmaids were Girls Aloud star Sarah Harding, 23, and Liberty X's Michelle Heaton, 25. Jordan barely knows them but hey, they upped the celeb count for OK's wedding album.

They walked up the aisle with Harvey—Jordan's son by footballer Dwight Yorke—only just out of Great Ormond Street Hospital after a six-week stay for a mystery illness.

But when it came to the vows, Peter couldn't get his words out because he was blubbing. And Jordan couldn't get through hers—because she couldn't pronounce the word matrimony.

The bride even interrupted her hubby at one point to demand that he remain faithful.

When pop hunk Peter made his vow, Jordan turned to the audience, winked and shouted, "Yeah, absolutely faithful!" "All the congregation fell about," said one guest.

But another insisted: "It was very emotional—at one point both Jordan and Peter were crying buckets, but he was worse. He was crying like a girl."

Sickbag

At least the size of the wedding ring must have brought a smile to the bride's face—it was described as being "almost the size of a Jaffa cake".

If the pink explosion didn't make guests feel queasy, the interior of the marquee on the lawn was strictly sickbag. After the nuptials, Jordan walked down a catwalk in the tent built to hold her train before she and her new husband sat on two pink, fluffy thrones.

The 16 tables were decorated with little pink Christmas trees and fairy lights twinkled on the wall.

Guests chose from main courses of monkfish, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding or sausage and mash.

And at midnight, slices of the five-tier chocolate cake were served.

After that lot, we'd be surprised if they didn't all turn into pumpkins.